A Leap Of Faith

2009-10-02T16:13:00.003+08:00

Am using Tumblr now. ((:

HTTP://CARISSAXLPY.TUMBLR.COM

The heart of the matter..

2009-09-30T17:31:00.002+08:00

I hate it when i let my emotions get a better hold on me. When i choose my head over my heart. Words come rushing out like vomit. Word vomit. The thing about words being said is that you can never take them back. No matter how much you want to. Then you've to face the aftermath with your heart filled with much regrets, anger, guilt.

Me the epitome of rash, strong-headed, harsh and well being kind of a.. bitch. Maybe at first i'll be like.. "no way", but i guess too many people have told me that i'm one (or even all) of the above mentioned. Not much of a shocker anymore. I've digested the cold hard truth, so nothing new there.

I hope i dont cross the line anytime soon or ever even. Why cant i just.. chillax? That's the respond i always get when i'm mad. Haha. I need anger management courses, like seriously. Guess what? I already have a therapist. His name is JT, 24/7 boyfriend, part-time bestfriend, 20% therapist, 30% shopping/dinning partner + etcs, 50% part of me and 100% always there for me. Love ya long time bb. ♥

Social House

2009-09-28T19:05:00.001+08:00

Sup sup. I've been super busy lately juggling time with my bf, homies, school driving license etc. Time has past by pretty quickly actually. The year is already coming to an end, oh my gosh. My MDIS exam is coming in 3 weeks time and i've to do well and get it over with so i can get my diploma and proceed to get my degree. Chop chop curry pork!

The previous week was pretty much a blur. But i went ice-skating with BB on Saturday after catching a 12pm-ish movie at Plaza Sing. Can you believe it? 12pm-ish and i'm already in town? Normally i'll still be catching some snooze. Lol. Ice-skating was fun except the fact that my beloved boyfriend made several attempts to make me fall. Some boyfriend he is. Hmph.

Social House with the usuals after. ((:

Two of the lovers of my life!

Hiak.

V wants to kiss me too. Lol.

The two drunkards of the day! Lol.

I realised that i didnt do anything rather productive this year at all. Quite slack throughout i suppose? But i guess i better enjoy it while i still can. Once i start school next year at a whole new different level, i guess i would be drowning in the massive workload and stress. Just the thought of it makes me.. gah.

Oh well, like i said, enjoy while i still can. Cheers! ((;

Leave the memories alone..

2009-09-23T00:10:00.003+08:00

I had a good "holiday" of 5 days. Overslept on Friday so gave school a miss, and i have a bad sore throat so Tuesday is also a miss for school. Ha dee ha. Movie marathon with BB during this break. The Ugly Truth, Inglorious Bastards and Crow 2. All of them were pretty good actually. Hmm.

Though the weekend was a long holiday, it wasnt a very smooth one. Never held so much anger in/at myself for a long time. But at the end of the day, who have i got to blame but myself? Being foolish and naive back then. Should've known better Carissa, you should've known better. Now i caused the person whom i love most in this www to be upset. Smooth move. My precious one putting a strong front, setting aside his own feelings in exchange for my happiness. Sigh. What did i do to ever deserve you my love?

Regrets and hauntings like dark clouds above my head. Time to open the windows to let them all out. For every wound, there's a scar. And for every scar, tells a story. A story that reads: "I survivied." So hell yea! ((:

2nd Monthversary

2009-09-18T15:16:00.005+08:00

Woke up with loud thunders and lightening this morning. "Rain..", i thought to myself. I like raining days. Without knowing, i stretched my hand across the bed to hug you but you werent there. My eyes opened slowly, and realised how silly i was, you were in camp. You were lying beside me just a few hours before. You liked to pull the blanket over our heads, in the dark. At times we'll wrestle, at times we'll just cuddle. I've always loved the feeling. The feeling of you being beside me.

Reached over for my phone to call you immediately. Didnt even care whether you were driving or you were busy with camp. I just wanted to hear your voice. You laughed at my "grouchy cuz i just woke up" - voice. You always laughed at me. I pout, and you'll laugh again. Sometimes i want to be angry with you, but dammit, i never succeed. You always find a way to make me happy or smile. Boy, you know me best. You always know what to do.

I walked downstairs only to see a letter rested nicely on the table. "To my Grouchy Baboon" - it reads (baboon cuz my face is always red like a baboon's butt, he says). I laughed. "I know this month is quite bad for you with your busy schedule and heavy workload, but baby i just wanna let you know i'm always here for you, so share your sorrows with me, you're no longer alone.." Tears filled my eyes as i continued reading. Tears of happiness, tears of joy, tears of love.

Happy 2nd monthversary baby. I love you.

The voice inside my head.

2009-09-16T02:59:00.006+08:00

I wanna let you know that i miss you. I miss our night talks, smses etcetera. Seems like they're getting lesser each day because of my busy schedule and workload. But i'm always looking forward to the weekends, cuz that's when i can finally meet you. I know you'll always be here for me, the words you speak i dont doubt. I know you'll do almost anything for me. "You're always my priority", you say. I know that whenever i feel sad or lonely, you'll rush down just to keep me company. And i know you're always just a phone call away, always willing to answer my calls even if you're already sleeping/tired. I miss you. So very much. Missing you was never easy to handle. Never is, never will.

Sometimes my thoughts run wild, or i might feel alittle lonely without you here physically with me, but at the end of the day, i know that we're never really far apart. For you're always in my heart. ((:

A part, but not apart.

(Proper post below)

Reminder.

2009-09-15T21:13:00.009+08:00

Note to self:

"Breathe."

Just motherfucking breathe.

So i've come to a decision that i shall skip my Econs CA1 later on. Seriously, i dont know what the fuck is wrong with me. I'm feeling so fucking stressed up, but for fuck? Fuck knows why and i cant remember shit. Let's not talk about memorising, just the thought of flipping through the notes etcetera, makes me want to burn the whole pile straight away. Arghs, frustrates the crap out of me. Fuck Econs, like seriously.

Okay pardon my vulgar-side. Dont get me wrong, i do feel guilty for missing the paper. And my friends arent much of a help either. They're all "Carissa relax", "Carissa dont stress", "Dont give up", "You can do it", etcetera on me. How not to feel guilty? Gah. But going wont do me any good anyway. Waste of time to sit there and feel all shitty and demoralised for an hour or so. So.. catch up on some snooze and head to MDIS awake will be a much better choice, no?

My beloved laptop is back. With everything gone, that is. Sigh. The dude manage to save my tunes but guess what? No titles and all in weird numbers. Which means i have to listen to 2000+ songs and change the titles. Oh my fuck. Pictures, programs etcetera all gone. Sigh.

I'm in desperate need of the weekends. But yet i'm barely even half way through the week. Great or what?

FML.

Econs 101

2009-09-15T18:14:00.004+08:00

I really need to study, like now. CA1 tomorrow and i know nuts. Skipped lessons yesterday with the intention to study but failed oh so badly. Need to stop procrastinating and being sucha lazy bum. Not that this CA1 or any exams, as a matter of fact, have anything to do with me anyways. Y'know.. heading to Kaplan and all. It sure does feel like i'm wasting my time in SIM when i can be doing other stuffs much more.. productive. Like my license, for instance, which is on hold for like months already? Damn.

Anyhoo, my laptop bailed on me on the last day of the IT fair. Great. Y'know you're a computer-addict when you go around asking if anyone has a spare laptop and you dont feel at ease without using one. So... now i'm stuck using Allen's laptop for a couple of days. I hope everything will still be intact in my laptop though. If not, music, pictures, notes.. EVERYTHING GONE. Arghs, the agony..

Ha. I realised that i'm more worried about my laptop than my Econs CA1 tomorrow. The computer dude said he would try to bring my beloved back to me today, so i find myself sitting here just waiting and waiting..

Where's my sense of urgency man? Oh well..

REBEL

2009-09-13T15:09:00.010+08:00

@ REBEL

That's BB's dog, Casper. Sucha handsome cutie! ^^

I'm heading out soon to meet up with V&N again. It brings back good memories, outings like these. Some things may change, but yet again, feelings/bonds like these never waver. ♥

Would you?

2009-09-09T22:55:00.005+08:00

One year one month one day later, 10/10/10, will you still love me?
I hope so, cuz i dont think i'ld ever stop loving you.. ♥

CXJ x Infinity.

Presentation..

2009-09-09T22:37:00.004+08:00

My group members!
Kahei, Me, Michelle and Fangqi.

"Omg Michelle, why you so tan?" "Is not i tan, is because im standing beside Carissa, that's why.." Sigh, they keep saying i'm as fair as MJ. )):
Gladys! My cutesy. Lol.

Play spot the difference. ^^

Yes, i jumped in heels.

OMG @ Kahei, he can jump really high.

Group photo!

Huge ass group photo! ((:

Overall, the presentation was a success! Phew. Some of my classmates said i talked a tad too fast, but my lecturer didnt comment on me about that so i guess it was... okay? Hope so. I really hate presentations sometimes. But glad im over and done with it. Still have two projects left. Three to be exact, if im including the one in MDIS anyways. Yea, MDIS cuz i failed a module there that's why i'm still stuck there remoduling. Gah. But it will all be over soon! 3 more weeks! Woohoooooo. I can kiss MDIS goodbye, officially. ^^

Am really gonna miss my SIM classmates. Too bad i wont be staying in SIM for my second dip. Will be heading to Kaplan next year. Arghs, long story. But long story short, was planning to take a degree in SIM after the diploma i'm taking now, but the degree requires me to head over to Swiss for a year. Not planning on going. I'm only taking this dip now cuz it's required for my degree. But since i'm not even going for the degree, that's way i'll drop out of SIM and head over to Kaplan to get an advance dip + degree instead in merely 2 years time. Faster, no? Haha, complicating but everyone is being supportive, so yup.. future all planned out. Work hard people. ((:

One in a million..

2009-09-07T01:05:00.001+08:00

Y'know, i'm not the only walking contradiction..

(Phone call)
V says: Eh C, i tell you, we seriously have to cut down on cigarettes.
C says: (I just woke up) Oh.. yea.. okay...
V says: Really. Everyday we're smoking.. it's not good for health y'know?
C says: Okay... yea..
V says: Gimme a minute uh.
THEN this contradicting person said in the background, "Uncle, Viceroy Menthol Light please.." Wtf. Woke me up just to tell me bullshit. @:
V says: Yea hello?
C says: WTF! $#^%&%*^*(&)&

Then, my vulgar word vomit came out. Lol. Okay, though she tell me crap, i still miss her la. We're going shopping. Saw this pair of shoes and i described them to her and she couldnt picture it in her mind. I dont blame her. It takes an artistic person to do so anyways. So.. being sucha nice and kind bestfriend, i drew her the shoe feeling rather.. accomplished. And the very first thing she said was... "what the fuck is that?!"

Great. Tell me, this type of bestfriend, where to find? Truly one in a million..
Lol.

--

*Edited by her one in a million bestfriend, VHO.*
Hi there! I just wanna express my love fo CLAM.
I swear when she gets married, she would have to follow my surname no matter what.

So anyways. She was telling me...

I was being so patient (as usual).. Trying my ultimate best to picture that shoe out..
And this was what I received.

LOL! Thats my very adorable beloved girlfriend.
Very artistic indeed!!!!!

CLAM, I knew that was the shoe, I was to shock to react properly.
Nevertheless. I love you plenty till infinity..

That I would chase away the dark clouds when you're unhappy.
That I would cook instants and not burn your thumb fo you.
That I would pick peas and parsley out of your food.
That I would shelter you with that umbrella during rainy days.
That I would buy you cigarettes when you're upset. (LOL)

*now go grab that tissue and stop tearing after reading my heartfelt words.*

Love you manymany
Fuck you deepdeep

-vho.

Time sure flies..

2009-09-07T00:11:00.003+08:00

Gah, the weekends are passing by a tad too quickly. Met BB on Friday for TTW which was awesome! And Saturday as well for some retail therapy. He looks super cute when he shops. Haha. Oh yes! We went to Candy Empire that day, and the moment he stepped foot into the store his face lit up. Like a little kid in his own world. Lol. Poor girlfriend have to help he hold those bags of clothes while he shops for more. Sigh. Lol, kidding. I love to look at him as he wanders around in the store so happily. Wish i can feel the same though. Feel disappointed sometimes. I dont know why i'm kinda losing the "drive" to shop. I guess it comes in handy for my saving plan. But the boyfriend isnt of any help cuz he doesnt want me to save. Pfft.

Okay okay, shall cut him some slack. My poor bb is sick. )): I hope he gets well soon. If not i would've no one to bully or poke. Lol. Get well soon my love! Love you plenty! ^^

Rain rain..

2009-09-03T18:30:00.004+08:00

I love rainy days. But only when i'm indoors. I like the smell of rain, dont you? I'm currently in school with this few bunch of people. Project after projects, and presentations. God, i hate presentations. I tend to talk a tad too fast and my words come out like word vomit. I tend to play around with my tongue stud as well. Lol. Bad habits.

One thing good coming out from this presentation is that i can find an excuse to get my Ralph Lauren shirt. MUST.GET.IT! Hiak. I had this urge to shop this morning. But i've to stop spending. Was msn-ing with Gladys for like half an hour thinking whether i should get some stuffs online or not. I'll feel regretful if i dont get it, but on the other hand feel guilty if i do. Wassup with that? Gah. Almost caused us to be late for school again. Lol.

I'm going to catch The Time Traveler's Wife tomorrow with bb. Loved the book and from the looks of the trailer, it looks superb! Psyched psyched psyched! :D

You stole my heart.. You take my breath away..

2009-09-03T02:13:00.008+08:00

Sometimes i wish i was a better girlfriend. Hate it when i fuck things up sometimes without even realizing it. You're precious to me. Very. Sometimes.. i wish i never had a past, even though i know you love me for the way i am and who i was. But contradicting enough, i believe everything happens for a reason. Even for my past. I'm always glad to have met you. Right day, right time. Random circumstance? No. But fate. Two roads intertwine.

I know what i want. And that's you. You're everything i want, everything i need. I was a very practical person. I dont believe someone can be another person's life. I dont believe in promises. I hold no expectations. No expectations, no disappointments. "You mean the world to me", is bullshit. But that was because i didnt understand. Until you showed me how love can be so wonderful, so unselfish. I know you do love me even if you dont say it all the time. You really gave me hope, and changed the way i see things. I finally understood how can one person mean so much to another.
It's like.. me standing somewhere waiting, looking out for you. Then you appeared, you stood out from the crowd. You still make me blush, my heart beats faster and you take my breath away. My vision seems blur and only you're clear. It's like you're the only one there. Then you smile.. omg, i melt. It was like the rest of the world evaporated, and you became my world. Happens everytime.

With you, that's the future i want and hope to head and to have. A part of me feels you deserve so much better than me, but i'm just that selfish to let you go. "Fight for your happiness..", they say. And i know i would for you. I'm going to do better baby. I'm not gonna let you down. Darling, wait and see..

So do you want this (you and me, our relationship, our love) for the rest of your life?
I know i do.

Pink Craze.

2009-09-02T01:33:00.001+08:00

I dont know why im into pink now. Have a sudden pink craze. Everyone i know is gonna laugh. Im like one of the last person who you'll think likes pink. I never liked pink. Ever. I'm a walking human contradiction. Ha.

Okay, this post is kinda irrelevent. But im bored. What to do? The boyfriend is asleep. Tsk. Chermaine keeps insisting i'm into pink cuz i secretly like pink ranger, totally wtf btw, waiting for J to finish typing his longgggggggggggggg story, and catching up with Fonnis currently. Okay, so i'm not bored bored.. just.. bored. J thinks i'm being retarded/more retarded than usual, and in desperate need to sleep. But i'm not sleepy!

How now brown cow? /:

Glory Glory Man United!

2009-09-01T00:27:00.004+08:00

JT says: Ok, we shall see. If manu lose, you'll be sleeping in the living room tonight.
C says: Huh.. ):
JT says: Unless you beg me, say manu sucks, then my room door is open for you. HAHAHAHAH.
C says: NEVERRRRRRR. For MAN U!
JT says: Ok, i go clean my sofa now.
C says: )):

BUT GUESS WHAT?! Haha. Turns out Manchester United vs Arsenal 2-1. Scored by my beloved Rooney and the other was an own goal. Caught the match with BB at his place after catching Final Destination in 3D. Stayed over at his place and i love his room! Super nice. Shall make him sleep in the living room next time and conquer it all to myself! Shall come up with a plan.. Hiak hiak.

Anyhoo, the match was intense! First goal scored was by Arsenal and BB was all psyched and im like "oh fuck!" The last goal scored by them during the last few minutes, was "arghhhhhhs! omg wtf?". But phew, thank god it was an off-side. Haha. Suckers. Manchester United FTW! I even slept in my Man Utd jersey. GLORY GLORY MAN UTD! Ha.

Oh yes. I realise my bf is slowwwww.
JT says: I go download the new Windows Live Messenger. (He was using the old school version)
C says: Lol, you're wols.
JT says: What's wols?
C says: ............ LOL

I think he fell asleep on me again. He can fall asleep in less than 5minutes time, so it doesnt mean i'm boring. It's just that he falls asleep easily. No, i'm not consoling myself and am not in self-denial. Pfft. But i dont deny i love watching him fall asleep. Somehow it captivates me, and i find it.. intriguing. I secretly lie on his chest sometimes just to hear his heartbeat and run my fingers through his hair. I make mini-mohawks and then giggle to myself. Like a retard, he always says. Sometimes he catches me in the act when i look at him in amazement. His blurry eyes looking at me all confused, wondering what's there for me to be staring at for so long. Sometimes, i wish he can see himself through my eyes. Fascinating, amazing, wonderful, intriguing.. ((:

JT says: Seconds seem like minutes, hours seem like days when im not with you..
C says: But im not going anywhere BB. No matter how long. Always gonna be here for you.

xoxo

Reliant?

2009-08-31T02:29:00.004+08:00

Hi,

My eyes are killing me right now. Results of having contact lens on for almost 48hours. Ha. I'm kinda tired, but can't get to bed. Too many things on my mind. Maybe it's just me. Had one of those father-to-daughter talks just now. As always, i'm/i was the one making things difficult. I know he's trying his best to be there for me since he pretty much missed a couple of episodes in my life. I know he's making up for it, but sometimes it's just.. weird. Better than before, but yet still a little weird.

Dont get me wrong, i love my dad to the max. But, it's just me. I'm very bad in showing emotions sometimes. Even saying "i love you" or "happy father's day" is just that hard. Had brunch at Merchant Court Hotel with the family. Well, part of it anyways. Heard a family singing "Happy Birthday" to this adorable little boy. Me there, smiling as i see such a joyous scene when my eyes met with my dad's. Guilt, i read. But arghs, i know he's trying. Every event brought us here now, closer. Closer than before at least. So i'm thankful.

"You've no idea how i felt when i saw my own daughter got hurt.. I would always want to protect you.." "No matter what you do, even if you make the biggest mistake of your life, i'll always be here for you.." Sigh. Now i feel bad. I guess sometimes i know he want to be there, but i pushed him away. Hmm familiar. Just like... nevermind.

Am i making any sense to you? Prolly not i guess. Oh well.

-

“ You asked me,
whose life was more important,
yours or mine.
I answered “mine”.
You walked away angry,
not knowing that you are my life. ”
- I love you bb.

Im Yours

2009-08-24T11:26:00.009+08:00

You touched these tired eyes of mine
And map my face out line by line
And somehow growing old feels fine
I listen close for I'm not smart
You wrap your thoughts in works of art
And they're hanging on the walls of my heart

You healed these scars over time
Embraced my soul
You loved my mind
You're the only angel in my life
And at times when im weak and you saw me cry,
You said I'm still a soldier in your eyes

And though my edges may be rough
I never feel I'm quite enough
It may not seem like very much
But I'm yours
I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
And though I may not look like much
I'm yours

Always yours.

Burned Thumb ):

2009-08-23T21:08:00.006+08:00

When we were invading Ngee Ann Poly. Haha.

I have a burned thumb now. Getting a little frustrated with it cuz smsing, etcetera are getting on my nerves. BB came over last night to catch Manchester United match (win, like duh), Arsenal (lucky shot, pfft) and Roger Federer's! So yea, about the burned thumb. Was cooking for BB (sucha nice girlfriend.. tsk..), but i added too much water so there's alot of soup. But i didnt know so when i poured it into another bowl, it filled to the brim so my thumb was like in the soup cuz i was supporting the bowl.. and then.. GG. My thumb was in just boiled soup. Niceeeeee.

Anyhoo, me + V are inseparable man. Haha. We go through everything together.

Okay, you gotta admit i was pretty good?

I was talking to V just now.
C: "V, i need to ask you for a favour.."
V: "SIMI LAN?"

I didnt okay? Im super duper nice!

Anyway, school tomorrow and im making good progress! I have been taking bus + MRT and then cab to school instead of just taking cab straight from my place. Okay, im still taking cab from the mrt station only cuz the bus stop to school is freaking far and the weather is always a killer. And, i dont want to be late either. So yea, good job Carissa. ^^

Me and BB have alot of things planned out for us to do and i really cant wait! Kinda sad i meet him at most twice or thrice a week, but still psyched on every outing. ((: Miss you bb.

P/S: Remember not to skip MDIS lessons anymore.
P/P/S: Study for Accounting CA1, soon. Gah, i hate accounting. /:

MANCHESTER UNITED FTW ARSENAL FTL!

2009-08-22T16:10:00.003+08:00

C says: 6pm @ Orchard ok!
JT says: See your performance first. Pledge your loyalty to Arsenal, then i will go out with you.
C says: NEVERRRRRRR! Manchester United FTW!
JT says: Ok loh.. you stay at home tonight..
C says: *poke poke* )):
- no reply at all -
C says: Okay loh.. sigh.. i go do my stuff.. byebye..
- C's status is now Away -
JT says: LOL! Why baby? Playing with you la..
C's AutoMessage: not here cuz my bf refuse to reply me cuz i dont want to be an arsenal fan. sigh. my life is just that sad...
JT: OI! Hahahahah.

Am going to meet BB later! He's ignoring me for sleep now. Haha! We're going to the arcade and to play lan!! Haha!!!! I know right?

C says: Im going to thrash you!!
JT says: Of course you will win me. Ahlian always go arcade one what..

Such an insult!! @:
Im going to throw bricks at him. Such happiness.. HAHA! ^^
And oh yes.. Arsenal is going to lose in their match tonight, and Manchester United is soooo going to win Wigan.

MANCHESTER UNITED FTW!!

First monthversary - 180809 <3

2009-08-19T22:57:00.013+08:00

180809 - first anniversary. Talked to BB for hours then we started counting down together. Was kinda funny since his clock was faster than mine. Haha! Then he told me to check my calender for our special day (!!) and i found a note! ((:

I have a very cunning boyfriend! 4 surprises in a day for our one monthversary!

1)He told me he couldnt book out from camp so we couldnt celebrate our one monthversary together, but asked me to collect some stuff from his friend for him in my school. Turned around and he was there!! Make me so disappointed over nothing. Pfft. But damn funny, he was sleeping in the car for 3hours waiting for me to end school. Drive to my school 3hours earlier cuz he scared he late. Lol! Damn cute.

2) He said he wanted to go to the Flyer area to chill. And when we were walking pass the entrance of the flyer, he took out tickets to the flyer!!!! I was like.. "wtf?! ohmygosh!!" But i swear, he is the sweetest boyfriend ever. Cuz he remembered i told him that some people always say want to bring me there.. y'know.. words to impress? But then he really did it! Super duper happy my first experience was with him. ^^

3) When we were at the top in the flyer, he told me to close my eyes and no matter what i couldnt open it. He put on something on my wrist and when i saw it i was like... "fuck!" Seriously, i feel i dont deserve all these from him at all. But thinking back about the day and all that he went through just to make me happy.. makes me wanna tear again.. ((':

cuz JC (jeremy&carissa)! Haha.

4) When i was about to alight from the car, he told me he dropped something under the sit and asked me to pick it up. In the end, it was a box nicely wrapped up for me! It was a very cute photoframe WHICH I CHOSE LONG TIME AGO THINKING THAT IT WAS FOR HIS MOTHER!!! @: Lol! He told me i couldnt blog about the picture.. Haha! Super adorable picture of him!! Shall use it to blackmail him next time. d:
Together with the box was a letter! All along, BB wasnt the sort of guy who would write letters. I mean, i knew from the start that he wasnt those type of guys who wrote letters. But.. he did cuz he knew i like letters and he wrote a super duper long one!!

I've never read a letter and felt so fucking touched till i cried. Not once in my life! No one has ever moved me the way he does. ((:

When BB came to my school and all, until now everyone keeps telling me how fortunate i am, etcetera. And i really feel that i am. Im the luckiest girl alive to be able to call him mine! I know some people will be like.. "1 month only.." but for me and bb, it's a big deal cuz it's our first one monthversary and cuz his relationships never ever pass a month before! He was those.. not commited, easily bored or sick and tired kind. The kind of guy all girls should be aware and stay away from. Lol! Maybe thats why our friends say our relationship was shocking! Like a clubber/player with a girl who is very relationship-based. But now.. everyone is like amazed by his 180° transformation. Lol.

But regardless, i know that i love him super duper ultra fucking much. It's a day i'll never forget. Thanks for always making so happy bb. I love you. ♥ And plz do not wind down the window of the car to shout "i love Carissa Lam" and have everyone staring again in the middle of the night again! Lol. Sucha bliss to have you my love. ^^

Not long ago, i wanted to give up hope.
But then you came along, and give me something worth holding on to.
Before i met you, i use to dream you up and make you up in my mind.
But now everything is coming true.
And all i want is you, JT.

First sleep over!

2009-08-14T00:41:00.004+08:00

Im like sitting in complete darkness right now in my room with only with the light from my laptop. All thanks to the boyfriend who is soundly asleep right now, occupying 3/4s of my bed! Shall push him off later.. haha! But he may just stay asleep on the floor since we were on the phone till like 5am and he had to wake up at around 5.30am for camp. Okay okay.. now i feel bad.. /:

Morning class later! Zzzzz. Have to wake baby up for camp as well. Let's see who will be the one who cant wake up. I shall set my alarm earlier.. y'know.. just in case. Been sleeping at 4am odd for a couple of days now.. no idea why either. Which pretty much explains why i always have to rush and cab down to school. Arghs, need to sleep earlier!! )):

Speaking of school, i have like 3 assignments due next week that hasnt been touched! But thank God i could just interview my dad instead of some random stranger. Seems like it's going to be.. fun i hope? Haha. Sunday shall be my "stay home and rush through last minute work" - day. Or maybe i shall start after school later while waiting for baby to come over after camp before going to supper with V and D. This week isnt so bad at all. ((:

Alrighty, i better TRY and get some sleep. I bet i'll be bugging baby to wake up to accompany me till i sleep. Heehee. Shall write soon. xx

Long weekend..

2009-08-11T01:28:00.005+08:00

It's like.. in a blink of an eye and the long weekend is gone. Just like that. It's back to hitting the books for me again, along with my assignments and projects that what seem to be piling up! Shant continue to be a last minute person, also together with my "2 days before exams than study" - attitude. I need to start being productive! But alas, always easier said than done..

Though the long weekend is officially over, i really did enjoy spending more time with baby. With him being in NS, at most we meet up twice a week. Kinda depressing, but we got to do alot of stuffs this week. Like double dates, watching the NDP together, G.I Joe and also visiting the Zoo! I like smelling of him at the end of the day. Does that sound sick or what? Lol! We were suppose to head to Batam, but scratched that. We figured it would be too crowded anyways. Shall plan for another getaway some time during year end. & oh yes, my precious camera came back safely after a trip with my brother to Taiwan. My dad was like.. "you care more about your camera than you do about your brother.." Haha!

Saw this picture. Isnt it too adorable to be eaten?! Lol.

From The Heart..

2009-08-10T02:18:00.009+08:00

I finally get to catch up with N! It has been nearly a month now that the three of us went out together, my PIC (partners in crime). Some things just never change. In a good way of course! Still equally close, still damn crap, always high and hyped up, and of course, always there for one another. Though we dont meet up as much as we use to, me with school, V with work and N in NS, we're still as tight! ♥

HK Cafe - Being nuisances in 7-eleven - Chilling and crapping till early morning - Desserts

Lol. He looked like he just won a pageant or something. Haha.

World peace!

Huge-ass ice-cream for you?

I love the long weekends. Really helped me clear my mind about certain stuffs, which was really what i needed. Sadly, the long weekend is almost over. Kinda dread having to think about the amount of workload i have to be done. Gah.. But oh well, shall save those worries up for next time. Right now, im going to enjoy the long weekend till it lasts. First time i was able to meet baby 3 times a week (double date with V&D - Saturday, Zoo + NDP - Sunday, G.I Joe - Monday)! We usually meet only once or twice a week. Kinda little, but always enjoyable and fun! ((: Meeting him later again for G.I Joe! Shall leave the booking of tickets to him since the other time we were suppose to watch The Hangover (super awesome!) at Vivo but ended up booking at Great World City instead. Lol! Second time this has happen. I wonder if im really that blur.. /:

Alrighty, time to hit the sheets. My eyes are bailing out on me as i type. Xoxo.

Babe, know that i'll always be there for you physically and emotionally be it whatever the reason is. From problems to Chanel bags to lamb chops or your weird cravings, i'll always be there for you. Till today, im still superbly thankful for having you in my life. And there wont be a day that i wont be thankful. You've seen me in my best and worst moments. When i was happy and all, you were happy for me, sharing my joy. When i was upset or down, you never fail to assure me, or even cry with me. Through it all, you've always been there for me. You've seen the best of me no matter what and you consistantly had faith in me even when i felt like shit sometimes. Dont ever apologize or what when need me to be there for you because without a doubt, i'll be there. You're one of the bestest friend anyone can have and i love you!! (': I'll be your shoulder to cry on. For yesterday, for the next and whenever you need me.

With much love and always here for you,

- C

123456789

2009-08-07T14:54:00.003+08:00

JT: "Eh baby later when the time is 12:34:56, when formed with today's date, 7/8/9, will become 123456789. Once in a life time only!"
C: "Haha yea i know.. one of my friend told me already."
JT: "Wah.. I share with you then you never share anything with me? Sad you know.."
C: "Cuz yesterday SOMEONE sleep then never reply his gf what.. Haha, ok la ok la next time share with you."
JT: "Dont want to share already.. sigh.."

LOL!

Damn cute la he. So psyched to share this information with me but i already knew.
Hahahahahhahahaah! d:

Faith, Trust, Believe..

2009-08-07T14:19:00.006+08:00

"Of course you’re gonna get your heart broken. And it isn’t just gonna happen once, but a lot. That’s just part of growing up, and it makes you stronger. Then you can handle it better the next time. You may not get through it yourself, but your friends will help you through it. And you’ll be a stronger person because of it. Then, one day, someone will come along, and it’ll all pay off, and no one will ever break your heart again."

Okay, i wont say the relationship will be perfect, smooth, or like a fairytale etcetera cuz.. i dont believe in that crap frankly. (Yes, i think it's bullshit. I mean like, come on?) Every relationship is like a rollar coaster ride with tons of ups and downs. It's going through those moments together that makes it all worth while. But, i do know that everything did turn out great for me. My belief still stands that "everything happens for a reason". Like i said, things turned out great for me cuz i met Jeremy. I feel that im very fortunate to have him in my life, someone whom i know i can rely on. Even if he makes me look like a retard laughing to myself in buses with the smses he sends, and even if he ALWAYS bullies me. Haha. But nevertheless, i still love him and i believe in him, in us and the relationship. ♥
(Touched right? This type of girlfriend where to find.. Lol)

Counting down the hours/days till i see you again! ((: And no such thing as "I fetch you from your lessons to send you home. Outing what!", fetching me back home from lessons is not counted as a date or an outing! Hmph. You shall plan a nice date as punishment for sleeping when smsing me AGAIN! Grrr. @: Ok la ok la, still love you. ^^

Just Stay.

2009-08-06T23:47:00.007+08:00

The week has been pretty hectic for me lately. Im really looking forward to tomorrow and the long weekends. I feel the need for a getaway. Too many things on my mind that i wish to release. Always easier said than done, sadly.. But one thing's for sure, i cant run away from problems. Sooner or later, i'll have to suck it up and just embrace them. Something of which im not much of a fan of. Hmm..

I dont know why it's taking me sucha long time to blog about this post. I find myself staring at the screen with many thoughts running through my head but nothing to type. Okay, maybe not nothing. But i dont know where to start, how to start. But then again, some things are better left unsaid? I dont know.. but what i do know is the people who i can always confide to no matter what. I guess it's just one of those "fuck dammit, i feel like shit"- days. Gah.

Im starting to feel like a very contradicting person. I can always give people advices and feel accomplished when things get better for them, etcetera. But i find it hard to use my own advices and imply them on myself. I remember what i told J, "Fuck what others say cuz in the end, it's just the both of you. As long as both of you love each other, that's all that matters.." But now when im in that position, that similar spot.. man it feels like shit. But nevertheless, thanks J. I know you have a lot of things you've to take care of but yet you're still here for me. I know you feel.. upset/angry/shitty for me about the whole situation, but.. look on the "bright" side. We shall feel like shit together. ((:

Speaking of together, im meeting VNZ tomorrow after so long! I really miss them. We've all been so busy with our lives and our schedules always clash. /: I havent seen N for almost a month! Z even longer! But the last thing i want to do is to worry them. I gotta just push all the negative shit to the back of my head and hopefully they wont resurface for awhile.. Am also finally meeting baby on Saturday! I just really want to treasure every moment i have with him. Meeting him also comes in handy because i always feel happy when im with him. ((: Missing him has been a little too much for me to handle lately. But still, i cant wait to meet him!

So it turns out that i do know what to type afterall. Ha. This has got to be the longest of entries that i took so long to type. Lol. xx

As long as i have you right here by me.

Sometimes..

2009-08-04T01:44:00.008+08:00

Sometimes.. i wish you were here..
Sometimes.. i miss the way i lie right beside you, cuddled up to you..
Sometimes.. i miss how you play with my nose to make me sleep..
Sometimes.. i miss just sitting right beside you..
Sometimes.. i wish i could always reach you 24/7..
Sometimes.. i miss the way you smell.. my addiction..
Sometimes.. i wish i could just hold you and just stop time right there as it is..

Sometimes.. missing you gets a little too hard to handle..
And sometimes.. these "sometimes" that i mention.. happens all the time..

Even if you cannot hear my voice, i 'll be right beside you dear.
You left a mark, and i wear it proudly on my chest.. right in my heart.
♥

xx

Sim people + Baby!

2009-08-02T15:18:00.004+08:00

Dammit. Tomorrow i have lessons for the whole freaking day! 930am-1230pm, 2pm-5pm. As if 3hours aint long enough already. Geez. But yea, who am i to complain? Poly students have been studying for the whole day all year round! Seriously, i dont know how they do it. I guess im very use to the whole 3-hours(or less)-in-school timing. Hmm..

Im very thankful that my classmates are such nice people. Y'know, since sometimes i can be a very.. anti-social person. Thats why V and J made sure i wasnt giving my usual what-the-fuck-are-you-looking-at face by texting me throughout during my first day. Especially J. He kept smsing me retarded stuffs to make me laugh and i looked like im laughing to myself like some retard. Hope no one saw though. Reputation ruined! But, im pretty surprised that we can all get along pretty great for people whom barely know each other for a month. ((:

Me and Michelle!

The very first friend i made in class. Haha!

I'm just that hardworking. Haha!

Unlike this two..

Competing each other in some psp game. Tsk tsk!

Michelle drew this. The whole clique! ^^

Cant help but to LOL everytime i look at the drawing of Fang Qi cuz she has braces. Haha!

Anyhoo, im stuck home on a Sunday. Great... Im still thinking whether i should head out, or not. Feel like catching The Hangover. Heard pretty good reviews about it but dont know if the boyfriend want to catch it with me or not. Must have a schedule/appointment with him since he's so busy! Still tell me will only meet me if my "performance" is good. According to him, my "result" is now 3/10. Lol. He keeps complaining that im too quiet or i stare blankly into space too much. Keep praising himself, saying 90% of the time is him talking/initiating. Then he decided to give me "discount", say "ok lah, 89%" - which is so not true! He's more of the "cannot sit still and enjoy the peace and serenity" - sort. MUST fidget and talk. He cannot keep quiet for 5 minutes. LOL. And he calls me weird. Hmph.

Have you ever met someone who can FALL ASLEEP while msn-ing half way?! Damn funny, he can just wait for my reply and fall asleep!! Sigh. Im starting to think whether what he say about me being too boring for him is true, since he can fall asleep on me for FOUR TIMES. Sighhhhhhhh. (Guilty yet baby? Heehee)

Ok lah, i give him credit. Since he always sleep so late cuz he was busy talking on the phone with me, then not enough sleep, then wake up early to book out to meet me. Ok lah, give you discount also. Haha! ^^

C: Sigh. Stay home on a Sunday so boring.

JT: Why? Are you hinting me to go out with you? (;

C: LOL. Go out with you still must have appointment, still must see performace. So troublesome. Haha!

JT: You no need. Express service. Anytime you want, can slot you in!

Suddenly so good.. abit worried.

HAHA! d:

Here in my heart.

2009-07-31T01:29:00.001+08:00

Wherever we are, even worlds apart, i know you're never really that far.

Cuz i know that you'ld always be here in my heart. ♥

I love you baby! And i cant wait to see you soon. Tomorrow shall be the day! Unless you still think your girlfriend is very boring cuz she cannot think of any places to go and you decided to stay home to sleep and just msn her instead!! Which YOU BETTER DONT OK cuz i will drag you out of the house! Sit at some void deck, or sit outside some 7-Eleven to eat cup noodles, as long as im with you, i'm contented. See?! Sucha good girlfriend, where to find?! Tsk tsk. LOL.

Anway, just want to let you know that i miss you and you're prolly sleeping now. Wait, you BETTER be sleeping now at this hour if not i whack you then you know! Haha. Im going to try my best and prove you wrong and that i CAN wake up later. You wait and see!! And plz dont wake me up at 3am for fun cuz it's not fun at all!! You always see happiness in my sorrows. Sigh. Lol.

Baby, thanks for always being there for me. I know you tend to worry alot about me and all. But thanks for always hearing me out, and always putting your men-ego aside. What i say about you still stand true ; the world can use more guys like you. ((:

Im very blessed to have you in my life. Afterall, you're my wonderwall.

Bros before hoes.

2009-07-31T00:28:00.006+08:00

I was talking to baby so i was away from my computer. And when i came back...

(msn)

Jerrel: Got Jeremy, no need to reply Jerrel already right!

C: I was away just now!

Jerrel : Nvm if you're not free la. Dont have to come up with excuses. It's okay with me that you have other priorities now. Im not jealous.

C: Haha! You so are!! Ok lah, i miss you.

Jerrel: Aww, thats sweet but it aint 2 way.

C: WHAT THE FUCK?!

Jerrel: Anyway i need your help..

C: Why should i help YOU when you said something so hurtful?!

(then he started his crap..)

Jerrel: You know me man. It's because we're so damn close, SO close, that i dared to talk to you. It's based on the trust on the level of relationship we have that i dared to break the barrier. I have to sweet talk all the other girls but i know you're different C.

You're beyond any other girl in my life. How special you are cannot be simply described by words alone. You are beyond words, beyond what i can explain. You mean so much to me, so much so that i am confused. Confused like an idiot, uncertain of how much you actually stand in my heart. A heart so fragile,but you strengthen it through your presence alone. Knowing you have been more than enough for me to overcome almost everything. Wait, it is everything, big or small, you are my spritual support. I dont need God when others do, because i have you and that is enough. You are the thing i need deep down inside. When ever i face problems, i think of you. This bond we have, i know can never be broken. Even if you choose to break it, i will still be connected to you.

C: HAHA! What the fuck? You're one of those guys who would "bluff" those xiao mei meis sort.

Jerrel: Wtf is that suppose to mean! I dont have to say this much to other females okay! But i said this much to you. Be thankful!

C: I dont know why i just "LOL-ed" at it. Lol. And again! Haha.

Jerrel: You hurt me time and time again.

C: HAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Jerrel: They dont know how good i am with words and the ladies. ^^

C: SO IM JUST ONE OF THOSE "LADIES" YOU USE SUCH WORDS TO?! @:

Jerrel: NO. You're the only lady i use such words on.

C: And Huiying (his girlfriend) la.

Jerrel: No. Dont use this crap on her. Too shitty.

C: WHAT THE FUCK.

FRIENDSHIP OVER!

Hahahahah.

Dammit J. I think it has been a month already. Study and stay so close also doesnt matter. NO TIME for me. Only called me up for fuck? To take hardisk. You best uh sister. Sigh. To think last time SOMEBODY 3am still would look for me if i ever needed him. Now? 3pm also cannot make time for me. Sigh. Change is only constant in life. People change. Where did the love go man? SIGHHHHHHH.

Haha! Sister, seriously we need to catch up soon. And dont tell me MSN okay, it's DIFFERENT. Even if now 3pm you're nowhere to be found (sighhhhhhhh), i'm still here for you ok! Unlike SOMEBODY. I think you know him very well~~ Haha. But yea J, you still mean alot to me. Bros before hoes. You should know this code by now. Haha! ((:

Love Emails.

2009-07-29T01:57:00.001+08:00

Lol. Love letters are out now. Love-emails are in! Upgrade already. Haha.

Received a super sweet email from baby today. He damn cute. Kept hinting me to check my mails. Even sent me another email so that i would check my inbox. Lol! He says that im slow... like i didnt catch any of the hints he was sending out. Haha, sorry la baby. d:

Y'know, sometimes i really do wonder what i did to deserve someone like him. Or to even be able to call him mine. After so much sufferings, so many wrong guys, he was the only one who seemed so right. The day i met him.. i dont know why it seemed just very fated that i ended up there. Wasnt planned or anything. Infact, our (v, n and me) initial plan was screwed so we ended up some place else to meet up with other friends and somehow our paths crossed, intertwined. And im very very thankful for that day, and also for having him in my life. Always am, always will be. ((:

Im overwhelmed with gratitude. Sweet baby, im so thankful i found you JT..

xoxo

For you, i will..

2009-07-27T18:13:00.005+08:00

"Wait for the person who pursues you, the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical, the kind of person who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person. Wait for the person who will be your best friend , the only person who will drop everything to be with you at any time no matter what the circumstances, for the person who makes you smile like no one else and when they smile you know they need you. Wait for the person who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats and a tee shirt, but appreciates it when you get dressed up for them. And most of all, wait for the person who will put you up at the center of their universe, because that’s where you belong."

- That's how i feel whenever im with you ♥

JT Junior ((:

2009-07-26T23:05:00.004+08:00

Picked Chermaine up on friday and we headed to "Malaysia" @ Punggol. Haha! Seriously, the north doesnt look anything Singapore-ish to me. No offence people, but i think im just a pure west sider. The journey from my house to MDIS to Punggol was hell. Jam all the fucking way, jerk after jerk. Even the driver could tell i was pissed off. But i guess nothing can compare to the way i felt when we've reached our destination. If you know what i mean. I thought i heard my heart break when me and Chermaine gasped at the price. Okay la, my fault. Chermaine already told me to take the MRT but i just had to say "ahyah jam so long already, i doubt we're that unlucky to face anymore jams ahead.." And fuck, i spoke too soon. Oh well..

Overall, i did have fun. Even had fun watching Chermaine gulp those bottle of beers down as forfeits for some games. Lol. As for me, win or lose, it doesnt really matter since my boyfriend is the one drinking everything for me. ^^ I shall not repeat that night of playing 5-10 with him, which i now know i suck terribly at. Even he says so. )): Glasses after glasses + a Flaming Lambo + empty stomach and i puked like 5 times. Gah, not a good sight. s: Somehow my fridays are always spent wasted leaving him to take care of me. Lol. Shall lay off the booze for awhile. /:

Oh yes..

Say hello to JT Junior! Haha. Baby got it for me and it kinda reminds me alot of him. In a very.. "im-very-blur" way. Lol. I for one aint a girly-girl or someone who'll go gaga over plushies but somehow it still means alot to me. I love it baby, thank you. ((:

PS: Im happy to say that im recovering. Not fully recovered yet, but recovering. Had like super high fever and sore throat afew days back but it's all better now. ((:

xx

Smile

2009-07-23T18:38:00.006+08:00

Im really moved to tears. Baby has been taking good care of me since i've been unwell this couple of days. He even came down to fetch me home after school. He wanted to make it a surprise but he ended up at SIM head quarters instead of the management house which was where i was at. Haha, damn cute la he. ((: He came over yesterday to take care of me but i hope he didnt catch anything from me though. /: He kept making fun of me because i had to wear that stupid mask thingy to see the doctor. Pfft.

I always feel happiest when im with him. Even if we're not doing anything. Just lying in his arms, having him by my side.. really makes me feel happy and secured. I really dont know what i did to actually deserve him or to be able to call him mine. I really really dont. But i feel like the luckiest girl alive. I dont know what he sees in me, but i cant think of any reason not to fall in love with him.

He told me to check my handphone's calender post for today, and i found a note saying "i love you". I was super shocked and touched to tears. The feeling i had when i read that message was just.. overwhelming. I was just so so shocked and touched by what he did. No words can ever express how i felt upon reading those mere 3 words which meant everything to me. I've fallen even more in love with him. ((:

Smile - Uncle Kracker

You're better than the best
I'm lucky just to linger in your light
Cooler than the flip side of my pillow, that's right
Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where you send me,
Lets me know that it's ok, yeah it's ok
And the moments where my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile

Even when you're gone
Somehow you come along
Just like a flower poking the sidewalk crack and just like that
You steal away the rain and just like that

Don't know how I lived without you
Cuz everytime that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild

JT baby, it's undeniable that we should be together. I know how much you mean to me. I dont have to think twice or wtv because i do know. Dont ever for a second doubt my love for you because you mean the world to me. You're like a dream come true, i just want to be with you and it's plain to see that you're the only one for me. What i feel for you is real, and i know that time will reveal. ((:
I love you.

Cadbury Advert

2009-07-23T16:14:00.003+08:00

Im sure most of you would have already seen the Cadbury Advertisement (Eyebrows). There's this competition going on and i think J should totally sign up for it. I mean, just check out the video he made!

LOL

As long as you're right here by me..

2009-07-20T23:48:00.006+08:00

Seriously, you always make my day ((:

Dammit. Think im catching something. Seriously dont want to fall ill. Arghs. But anyhoo, caught Harry Potter the other day with JT baby. It was a disappointment, but poor baby had to sit through 3 hours of it just because of me. He was fidgeting throughout. Haha. But i guess he's the only person i know who has never seen any Harry Potter movies before. And he calls me weird and deprived of my childhood years cuz i have never watched Star Wars before. He's so gonna make me watch it with him. Help!! Haha.

Met up with baby, V and Dex for Botak Jones all the way at Toa Payoh.. damn. Finally that girl can satisfy herself with that lamb chop of hers. Haha. But yea, missed her. She was so unwell till we couldnt even meet for a week! Tsk, i think im catching something now. Hmm..

I miss JT. We were talking on the phone for a couple of hours just now till his phone died and he has no charger. I also dont know why. Haha. But it means i wont be able to reach him until he gets home. Kinda depressing though cuz we normally sms each other to sleep. And i think i have the cutest (he hates it when i call him cute. haha) boyfriend alive. I was asking him about his chinese name and he wrote "wo ai lam". Seriously i think i was laughing to myself like some retard. Haha.

Baby, till now i cant stop feeling so appreciative of you. You really do make me feel happy, and you would go an extra mile just to make sure i stay happy. You would even send me home even if i stay in the west and you stay at freaking Punggol (!!) even if i tell you not to. And the way you write "i love you" on my palms using your finger tips. These things that you do always leave me smiling. ((:
I know you always feel upset whenever you see my scars or hear about my past, but baby, i never regretted or would ever want to change history because all those led me to you. I know you'ld feel insecure at times but remember that im here for you, being that weird stoning girl whom you fell in love with. Haha. I hope you would feel as happy as i am whenever im with you, cuz i know you make me happy. And fuck any of those girls who wanna take you away from me cuz i dont wanna let you go. I know i held back because i was afraid, but i dont think i can hold back how i feel about you anymore. As long as you're here by me, thats what i need. ((:

180709

2009-07-18T11:58:00.007+08:00

"I know that your ex-boyfriends treated you quite badly. But im not a very nice guy as well. But i will really do my best to make you happy. I really want to be with you. To be there for you when you're down, to share our ups and downs together. Carissa, i love you."

If i could freeze a moment in my mind, it will be the second you held me in your arms. The feeling of being beside you.. is amazing. Im very bad in showing appreciation and gratitude, but im truly thankful of you. I thought it would really take me some time to open up to you. But with you, it feels very different. It feels right.

I always wondered why I never met you before I did, and why we never got the chance to start earlier than we did. Then I realized I met you the exact second I was ready to truly appreciate you. After what i've gone through, you've no clue how much im really thankful of you. I know you're worried cuz you cant always be there for my physically cuz you're in NS and we stay so far apart. But whenever you need me, you'll know where to find me. And as for me, i know you'll always be there for me.

Words can only mean so much, but walking this journey with you is something i wouldnt trade anything for. ((:

Careful With My Heart.

2009-07-18T11:45:00.003+08:00

It's the little things that you do, they pulled me in and I'm defenseless. I tried to ignore like I've done before but it's just useless. I've made up my mind that I'm gonna let you in. And I'm not afraid but I have to say, this is gonna hurt if it ever ends. But somehow you have shattered my defense, the walls i built around my heart. It's the things you do, they made me fall hard for you and I can't help it. And it's every day that I feel this way, so just don't stop it. You hit me like a ray of sun, burning through my darkest night. You're the only one that I want. I think I'm addicted to your light. I guess I'll take my chances now that I know love is on the line.

So promise you'll be careful with my heart.

Schooling..

2009-07-15T00:05:00.003+08:00

JT ((:

Went to look for V after my first day of school (13th monday). Except for the fact that i've to carry like 5 stacks of lecture notes all over town, overall = not too bad. A little too quiet for my liking though. But gah, guess it's all like that during the first day? But guess what? I was late and the last person to arrive so when i walked in there were like 50 odd people looking at me? Makes me feel a little.. insecure and all. Gosh, hate that feeling. /:

Anyhoo, JT came cuz V had to leave early so we watched Transformers 2, like finally! Okay, "finally" for me cause i havent watched it and almost EVERYONE i know watched it without me (thanks guys), including JT. He said he didnt mind watching again but i know his real reason is because he wants to see the Sector 7 guy in his thong. Think i dont know uh JT? Lol.

Second day wasnt too bad. Better infact. But thank God V called and convinced me to wake up/go to school cuz i was like 40% sure of bailing school on the freaking second day!!! Dammit Carissa.

Random, but it's like 12am odd now and im already sleepy. Woots, it's been darn long since i slept before 2am. Let's just hope it turns out that way though. And that i can actually wake up! Im already looking forward to the friday/weekends. (((((((:

BOOM BOOM SHAKE SHAKE NOW DROP!

2009-07-12T19:43:00.017+08:00

Got to finally meet up with my PIC (partners in crime) for two days straight! We had an awesome dinner at NYNY and went messy with our leftovers and free candy floss. It was pretty gross. Thanks to N, V and Z. Haha.

Afro candy floss!

Bigger than her head!

I had a helluva fun that day. I guess it's what i needed since im starting school like tomorrow? Psyched or dreading? Kinda both but yea. We headed to Rebel and Zirca to meet up with the rest.

By the time we crash back at my place, the sun was already up and sleepiness was catching on to us. But Bernard and Jeremy was very nice to send us back and take care of wasted people like me and V. They were like "Oh man, shouldnt have kept asking them to drink.." Haha, turns out they had to send us back to my place to crash. Lol.

Alright, let the pictures do the talking.

Party like a rockstar!

"BOOM BOOM SHAKE SHAKE NOW DROP!" - Highly addictive!

This is Bernard's "C/Stroke Move". Haha.

Jeremy. Who i owe alot to for taking care of me the entire night.

N gulping it down!

And so did the rest!

Alvin, N and Bernard.

I'm feeling.. old. I was exhausted yesterday when we met for awesome pizza + bubble tea. (Cant remember when was the last time i even had bubble tea. Hmm..) It shall be a tradition for CNVZ! (: Headed back to N's place to catch up on some snooze. And today, i couldnt even wake up for my FT lessons! It's already my second time bailing and i pray that i wont have this sorta thinking/mindset for SIM. Im still trying to digest the information "im starting school tomorrow!!" into my head. Gah.

But ah well, a new start/chapter in my life. I just have to suck it up and embrace it. Something i have been doing alot lately. Everything happens for a reason, no? ((:

There there baby, it's just textbook stuff.

It's in the ABCs of growing up.

J&C Returns!

2009-07-06T03:52:00.011+08:00

J & C Returns..
(previous post for proper update)

- I sent some links to J to show him some of the amazing photos my friends took. -
C: -paste links-

J: The chinese dude in specs quite cute uh? Haha

C: What the fuck? I just showed you some amazing photographs and all you can say is "the chinese dude in specs quite cute uh"?!
J: LOL!

-
#2
J: Eh, the guy in your blog quite fit uh..
C: Haha, yea, he quite cute right? He got pacs.
-Then i paused and thought to myself..-
C: WAIT A MINUTE! Are you talking about yourself in your birthday celebration post?!
J: Im not talking about myself la, im talking about the first guy (previous post)! Do you know me like that? Tsk. Pac as if i dont have like that..
C: WHATEVER.
J: If you think his bod is wow, you should see mine now!
-THEN J PUT HIS BOD PICTURE AS HIS DISPLAY PIC!!!! LOL WTF-

-
#3
- J went about how the models in the pictures werent good looking OR as good looking as he is (rolls eyes here), how their shirts are distracting and better if plain etc and i got irritated! Lol -
C: IM ONLY IN CHARGE OF THE PORTRAIT SHOTS, NOTHING ELSE THATS ALL LA! :@
J: WHAT?! It's either you're in charge of everything or nothing at all. What do they take you as?! Damn it! Give me their contacts!!
C: Wtf?! LOL

-
#4
- J thought that the guy in specs (the guy in the last photo in the previous post) was cute so i went to paste some links of his pictures for J to admire but J got sick of him.. -
J: Aye, no now more. Lol. <-- J was trying to say he dont find that guy cute anymore.

C: What the hell is "no now more"? HAHA LOSER.

J: Waaaaaaaa! Calling me a loser over some guy? WE'RE OVER MAN!"

C: HAHAHAH. WTF

-

C: Somehow our msn conversations always appear in my blog..

J: Because the things i say is always, ALWAYS, memorable!

J: I REPEAT, ALWAYS!

Haha! I still think nothing beats "FML J&C Style"!

LOL.

ANYWAY

HAPPY MOTHERFUCKING BIRTHDAY J!!

Love ya even though you fuck my life most of the times. Haha!

8 years of sister/bro-ship man.

We're legen... wait for it... dary!!

Lol. Alright, previous post for a proper update!

Beyond Saving's Photoshoot

2009-07-06T01:49:00.007+08:00

Gah! The weather was bad today. Technically yesterday. It rained heavily so we couldnt do the shoot at Punggol End again!!! Suckfest. So we had to search for a new place, somewhere less muddy etcetera. The shots turned out great! Was in charge of individual portrait shots for one band, Beyond Saving, and i could totally feel my stress level rising!! Imagine two awesome photographers watching you shoot, waiting for you to give them "orders" to shift the flashes, lightings etcetera. "Stress is good.." they say. Oh my gosh.

More pictures here!

I got two of my exam results already. And thank God i passed! Seriously a load off my shoulders man. But i got one more paper which havent got into the mail yet. And that paper happens to be the hardest! Damn. Plz plz plz be a pass.

And oh yes, talking about school, im starting in one week time! No more life of a no lifer. Im gonna miss this life. If it is even called a life of basically doing nothing or anything i want. Haha. I kinda miss school but yet dread it. Kinda like having my life not planned out and live everyday as it is doing whatever i want but it can be boring sometimes. Catch my drift? Me and my contradictions.. Haha.

And as for driving, im going back for lessons again. I know im kinda, or very, slow.. but i have my reasons! I was so occupied with photoshoots, exams, people, etcetera. But damn, i cant take my BTT till August which is total madness! Gah. Should've booked earlier. And i cant even book for the slots now because i dont know when i will be free? FML.

But on a happier note, my tats are better now! Peeling and all. 7th one soon. Soon as in maybe a couple of days time? Woohooo! Psyched psyched psyched. ((:

J's Celebration

2009-07-05T02:03:00.003+08:00

I miss J man. I havent seen him for two or three weeks and we're kind of those friends whom at least must one week meet once type. Nevertheless, im glad of us all did manage to meet up that day. Well, except for WJ of course. Hope your grandmother is doing better now WJ. ((:

They were playing a happy birthday song for J! He was happily dancing and singing with them. Haha!

Keith, Damien and Jerrel.

Drink it neat!

Damien was half wasted at about here. Lol.

Loves!

There are more pictures that i've yet to receive from Junwen though. But hell, i had loads of fun. Was still very much sober. Damien was the only one who went damn pale and cold. But he, J and Keith were the amusement of the night man! Guy-grinding, crotch-grabbing, pants unbuttoning.. need i say more? Haha!

Photoshoot tomorrow again! Woohoooo, time to bring my baby out again. And plz dont let it rain! Let the weather be good plz plz plz. *cross fingers

Bangs!

2009-07-04T03:45:00.003+08:00

Wassup wassup. I just came home not long ago from Indo Chine. We celebrated my motherfucking bestbestbestbestestfriend's, J, birthday in advance. Been so long since all of us met up but too bad WJ couldnt make it. Bummer. But i swear J's friend, Keith, is super duper extremely WJ-ish. His every expression, action and even the way he talk/crap around is totally like WJ!! Haha. But yes, I miss WJ. Meet up with us soon dude!

Anyhoo, V went to cut bangs! Haha. Something different and now she hates it when people call her cute. Haha. V HO, you bloody cute now.

And damn, i got the shock of my life yesterday. I thought i lost my precious phone in the cab but thank God it was in Kristine's house. Phew! And Double U smsed me but i didnt reply etcetera. He felt down. ): But somehow i had the urge/feeling to come back online even if it was 3am odd to talk to J and play poker then tadaaaa, he came online. But yea, shall spare you guys the details. Haha.

Woohoo, Chermaine is sending me the pictures for J's party. More with Junwen! And J, i hope you had a motherfucking time!! Love ya. ((:

I Miss You

2009-07-01T23:51:00.008+08:00

Sup sup. Im totally psyched about tomorrow. Appointment with Exotic Tattoos again. Awesome! Been waiting so long for this day to come! Im still in a dilemma whether to get my 7th one done after two touch ups and cover ups. I'm like.. 90% keen to get it done so.. yea. Gotta do some research about it later. ((:

V stayed over yesterday and we almost set my kitchen on fire! Haha. The whole kitchen smelt of gas, gosh. Scary. But in the end, our korean noodles turned out awesome! Slurp. We caught Ps I Love You, and till now it never fail to move me to tears. V made me lie beside her though i was ALREADY sleeping cause apparently i happen to give her "luck" when she plays poker in facebook. Haha.

We stayed awake till the sunrise sitting at the balcony talking about life, etcetera. Kinda nice though. (((:

V&C FTW

Guess what? V is so nice to accompany me to get my ink done. 2 hours, niceeeeee. Oh wait, or is it because she wants to get that pair of gorgeous heels we saw? Hmmmm.. Haha. Alright, back to The Nanny > Friends > Simpsons. XX

Photoshoot @ Punggol

2009-06-29T14:17:00.006+08:00

I had so much fun at the photoshoot yesterday! But i can definitely do without the tons of ant bites that we got. Anyhoo, the start was kinda bad since it began to rain and we had like all 3 cars parked beside one another with windows wind down and we were like shouting across the carpark through the windows! We also caught 5 minutes of Wolverine in the car, thanks to John's Mac. Haha.

Anyhoo, here are some of the shots that i took. The rest of my shots can be found here.

This picture above is my favourite! ((:

Now for the fun shots!

Save water, drink coke!

Clarence: "Or Ice-lemon tea!!!"
The rest stares.

Bromance for you. Can you feel the love tonight~~

It's actually pretty tiring to hold a DSLR like that.

Gerald: "Sigh, paparazzi taking me again.. what's new?" Haha!

People behind the pictures!

Im not that short ok. I had to bend down in order not to block John's head. Pfft.

We all went for prata after. Awesome! I havent had prata for so long. Plaster + Bomb! :9 Im really glad that im getting closer to most of my church mates now. It's really nice talking and catching up with them. Also really nice of them to accept who i am or was and not judge me. Oh yes, and being super friendly towards V and N. I feel the love~~

Anyhoo, me and v are going to be "subjects" for Gerald and Yapster's photography experiments. I cant wait cuz they're like superb and their pictures are awesome! He was like asking me whether i think V would be keen to model for them and i was like.. "i think she more than willing to do so.." Haha! And oh yes, two more weeks of shooting to do, and two more weeks till my my term in SIM start!! Psyched!!!! Okay, nervous.. but still psyched. ((:

A Change..

2009-06-28T04:29:00.006+08:00

So guess what i did today? Or rather yesterday..

Something i never thought i would ever do. This.

And this..

Shocker shocker! I snipped off like 5-6 inches of my hair! Now im having this concave hairstyle. (Check out the little video thingy on the left to see how short it is) Not really fully use to it yet, but digging it. It's time for a change man. It has been YEARS since i have short hair. Like since primary 3 or something. Haha. I wonder how my churchmates are gonna respond to the drastic change later. Hmmm..

Gah, which reminds me. It's almost 5am now and i have to do brunch at 11am odd and a photoshoot later. There goes my "finally can sleep late" - Sunday. But again, everyday feels like a Sunday now. And what more, yesterday was my last exam! Can i hear a woohooo? ((:

Alrighty, i gotta catch some shut eye soon. Asap. Till then! xx

Change is only constant. Good or bad, thats another thing..

The A and the B

2009-06-21T20:09:00.009+08:00

(Pause my player which is at the very bottom of my blog)

Check this out. This was the "original" When You Look Me In The Eyes by Jonas Brothers. The voice which seems like a girl is actually Nick Jonas before puberty. I was super flabbergasted cause the difference is like majorly huge? Does this happen to every guy?! Not puberty cause DUHH everyone hits puberty. I mean the voice! I totally cant believe the guys i know now having that kind of voice last time. Imagine N, Z, J and WJ having this voice makes me... HAHA. But i dont remember J and WJ having this sorta cutesy voice in primary school. Hmm..

Anyhoo, i've learnt that there are two kind of guys in the world after watching this video.

Firstly, there are guys like Jerrel (aka J).
I shared the video with him and he said...
J: "Very cute leh.. awwww" - kinda thing.

And then there are guys like Zac (aka Z).
Whom after i shared the video with, said..
Z: "HOLY SHIT! Sounds like a girl! So faggotish. HAHAHAHAHAHAH. What a FAG!"

Interesting..

I love J! He's sucha amazing best friend. I can tell him any and everything. Was feeling kinda sucky this morning (no idea why) and he always always always manage to cheer me up with his crapiness. And he always make me feel a whole lot better by talking alot of sense into me. Though he's sucha crappy person, he sure can talk a whole lot of sensible stuff! The irony sometimes. But he makes me happy.

(MSN)
Jerrel sends file.
(He sent me a song to cheer me up)

C: Nice uh?
J: Nope. It aint nice in the least bit. I just wanna make you feel uncomfortable. Want to harm your ears. ...... OF COURSE IT'S NICE THEN I SHARE WITH YOU RIGHT?! What kind of question is that?!
C: WTF, hahaha! You make me seem stupid..
J: So sorry my dear. It's just me to do it. Haha!
Thanks uh J.

J, i havent seen you in so long and i miss you superbly much. We talk almost everyday, but still i miss you. You're sucha great best friend/sister to me. Thanks for taking care of me in the 8 years of my life. Like what you said, life is like a wave full of ups and downs. But through those ups and down, you're always here with me. Love you J. And any girl will be so fucking lucky to have you. You're awesome. And... LEGEN... wait for it... DARY! (Haha, How I Met Your Mother rocks our socks)

Love you J. (':

Ghost Of Girlfriends Past

2009-06-21T18:01:00.008+08:00

I was like doing some last minute revision just minutes before the paper start and this babe here is busy cam-whoring. Tsk tsk.

1) My "eh, got cute guy"-look. Haha.
2) V camwhoring, whats new?

N got us souvenirs when he was on a little road trip to Malaysia. And seriously, it's darn sweet. I love it and im going to cherish it for life man. Unlike SOME PEOPLE (namely Z) who spells my name as Carrisa, N knows how to spell my name.

C: "What the fuck, until now you dont know how to spell my name?!"
Z: "No... your name is too unique for my poor comprehension.. thats why.. LOL"
Nice come back huh Z?

We went to visit Toby (N's precious)!!

1) V: "You!" T: "No, you!"
2) High five/paw

Toby face says it all. "Save me!"

On our way to catch "Ghost of Girlfriend's Past". I must say it's a very touching and sweet movie. Prolly will teach you a thing or two about love. 4.5 popcorns given!

We were all laughing our asses off at the Gee parody. Again i stress, im not a huge fan for girl bands like Wondergirls or SNSD Girls Generation. BUT when it comes to parodies, damn im a huge fan! When N was showing us this video, i was seriously laughing my guts out. Goddamn funny. Check it out.

(Pause my player which is all the way at the bottom)
Remember to click the bottom right corner to see the english subs. Just follow what the little bubble state at the start. Enjoy! And becareful not to laugh your guts out. ((;

With love.

The Ninja Glare

2009-06-18T03:59:00.006+08:00

So my friends asked me wassup with the Ninja Glare. You guys should seriously check Nigahiga out man. He is totally awesome! He is a Youtube Comedian. So go youtube-search him. Im like following him on twitter!

Anyhoo, presenting to you the Ninja Glare!

(Pause my playlist all the way at the bottom)

V's photoshoot

2009-06-17T03:13:00.006+08:00

I like this top one best.

Kinda cool how she turned my jacket into a dress no?

Did a shoot for V the other day. Personally, i feel that in terms of photography skills wise, i've improved alot! I guess i can take better shots of those modeled, objects or scenery shoots compared to events. Something im still working on. I saw my recent ZTH shots for this season and felt that it totally sucked. The whole thing was trashed into the recycle bin. So much for waking up at 7 huh?

Anyhoo, have 3 major shoots for the end of this month and the next. I need inspiration and new ideas man. I've got some at the back of my head already but i think i need something... fresh. Afterall, im taking photos with some helluva awesome photographers so can you imagine the amount of stress im dealing with? Yikes.

I guess the shoots and ideas have got to wait. Exams in 3 days time! Cant afford to be so last minute anymore. Need to study my ass off for this one. Case Studies.. gah.

FML J&C Style.

2009-06-14T18:44:00.004+08:00

J was suppose to meet us up yesterday but he smsed and said...

Ok la, i still love you J

Plenty plenty~~

Random: I updated thrice today! Awesome.

Dex's 21st Birthday

2009-06-14T16:52:00.007+08:00

I was pretty much in my own world after the party. That's me, high. Damn, had too much to drink. Thank God my friends were there to take care of me. Had to crash at Kristine's place for the night/morning. Thanks guys for taking care of me. Note to self, dont ever accept drinks from strangers ever again. Oh man, i thought i was totally smarter than that. Geez.

I had so much fun at the party! We had like a mini-club in one of the rooms with an actual DJ, smoke and spot lights. I was upstairs when V and N shouted "C! Boom Boom Pow!" Man, you should have seen me. I was running down like a mad person shouting and jumping down the few flight of stairs. Haha. Outside the room was literally a bar. Booze everywhere! Birthday boy was the first goner. Poor V had to take care of the drunkards and the place.

More booze yesterday/today morning. Met up with V, Zachary, K and Cheryl. 2 words. Very entertaining! Especially Zachary, but hey my lips are sealed. Lol. I did things that i wouldnt in my entire life thought i'll ever do! Haha. With the help of Cheryl of course. The last thing i would want is our picture up on Stomp or something. Ha.

Looks like the booze just keeps on coming. Do i hear a "26th June, Attica" calling my name? ((;

Fluffy turns 10!

2009-06-14T16:39:00.009+08:00

Yesterday was Fluffy's birthday! She turns 10 years old!

Think im going to feed her with the durian cake in the fridge. She likes durian. But only D24. There was this one time my dad bought some durian which sucked so he thought "dont waste, feed fluffy.." Fluffy ate a little then spat it out. Haha! My dad had to mop the floor in the end. Niceee. It's kinda funny how the wheel of karma spins.. Hiakhiak.

Vapour Trail

2009-06-11T04:12:00.012+08:00

Sometimes you're like a vapour trail.
You come.. and you go.
Your image repeats beneath my eyelids. Now you know why i like to dream?
Stay.. but only if you want to.

Zachary.

2009-06-10T03:10:00.013+08:00

I met up with Zachary (another Zachary not Z lol) just now. That dude kept insisting to meet up even when i was having a very bad hair day and an eye infection. But cant blame him though, time is precious for those in NS. So he says. Anyhoo, it was really nice to catch up with him and im glad he actually convinced me to get out (im sucha lazy person sometimes). We're always bumping into each other but we never had a proper chat for a long time! The last time we really really talked was like... 2007/2008 when we were working at Gap together? But yea, it was really nice to see him and fill each other up with our lives. Even if we didnt talk for nearly a year now, we still get along just great. Im glad that those bumps somehow brought us closer and also am glad he's someone i can count on. Talking to him was really really nice and comforting. ((: Oh damn, i forgot to take a picture with him with his new, or rather, no hair hair-do. Haha, oh well next time then.

Thanks for being there for me and sms-ing me asking me how i am etcetera though you're in NS. Dont worry, i promise i'll update you and likewise, be there for you as well. ((:

Speaking of catching up with people, i really do need to catch up with other people as well. Am talking about Chermaine, Junwen, Weijie, Fonnis, Jiaqi etcetera. You guys still mean alot to me even if we dont meet up that much. ♥

Gah. I think i should just forget about readjusting my body clock. NOTHING IS WORKING! /:

PIC United.

2009-06-09T21:37:00.009+08:00

Im feeling... old. Still recuperating from last night. Woke up with an eye infection. Great. But anyways, i had loads of fun with my PIC + Cedrick. It has been a super long time since all of us are out together. There's always someone missing or wtv. Caught Monster Vs Aliens and found it awesomely hilarious. 5 out of 5 popcorns! Too bad we didnt manage to catch the 3D one though. And I LOVE BOB!!! He's awesome! Everyone should just go catch this movie!

We decided to head for prawning last minute which lasted till the wee hours of the day. Which pretty much explains my eye infection. Tsk.

They were all super cunning when it comes to the poking of the prawns. Especially N and Cedrick!!

Im seeing them for Dex birthday party this thursday but i miss them already! Poor Cedrick, heading to NS on Thursday. So many people i know are going to NS recently. /:

Anyway, i've started playing Sims 3 already and man i love it! I have not drown any of them or set them on fire. Yet...

Smart Move.

2009-06-09T06:38:00.002+08:00

I wanted so much to readjust my body clock, but yet im now home at the wee hours of a brand new day when people are just starting to wake up for work. Nice...

Oh Hot Damn

2009-06-07T03:42:00.004+08:00

Damn. I just realised i forgot to remove my contact lense. I've been wearing them since like 8am yesterday till 340am now. Greeeeeattttttt.

Surprise Surprise..

2009-06-06T20:56:00.005+08:00

Im exhausted. A nap would do wonders but im trying to re-adjust my body clock right now so im gonna try to stay awake for as long as i can till my eyes/brain bail out on me. Furthermore, i think it's time for me to finally open my beloved Sims 3 which has been nicely nested on my table for quite awhile now. ((:

The exam was quite a breeze. Phew, thank God. And damn, we didnt manage to catch NATM2 again!!! The theatre was all fully booked/left with separate seats/front row. Total suckfest cuz i was really psyched about it. Pfft.

It's a Saturday today but yet i couldnt stand the exhaustion that was slowly taking over my entire body. Had to cab home. Can you believe it? Home on a freaking saturday? Even Kristine was like.. "You're home so early? So unlike you.." I know right? But ah well, im looking forward to tomorrow because im going shoppingggggggg! I need more clothes, more bags, more shoes, more accessories and also more space to put my stuff. Im running out of space (!!), it's depressing. My closet is officially packed. And so is my little "walk-in" wardrobe on the second floor. I hope my folks dont realize the plastic bags filled with new clothes covering my bedroom floor. 0 0

Oh yes, im finally filling my planner again. I found it on my table (under the piles of other plastic bags) and when i flipped through it i was like.. "damn it has been awhile.." For two months it was there left untouched. I even found a post it note in it saying "plz dont waste money and use me". Haha, must have been pretty bored that day.

Alright, i shant wait any longer and start opening my beloved Sims 3. I have been waiting for this moment since last year. Finally....

Exams!

2009-06-06T02:36:00.019+08:00

/edited @ 320am

I came back to turn on some music and i saw this.

FML
-

Exams in less than 8hours time. I studied for like.. 1 and a half hours max and took a break of 2 hours. Am i in deep shit or what? I already see myself falling asleep on my table. Not. Good.

J: "Im bored.."

C: "Yea, me too. But i've gotta study soon."
J: "People say that like.. one week before the exams. You say that hours before.."

Even J thinks im doomed!

I shall not give up! V's gonna pull an all nighter. Guess what? She just got back home and havent studied anything yet. Nice.. We are really partners in crime. And speaking of which, im psyched that im going to meet N and Z after the papers later. Havent seen Z in ages!! And i still miss N. Plz plz plz allow us to catch Nights At The Museum 2. Last week i booked the tickets at the wrong timing and N had to go around selling it to random strangers. Smart move Carissa. But it was pretty fun looking at those people look at N with their "what-are-you-trying-to-do" faces. Ha. But we managed to sell them off though. Note to self, leave the ticket booking to N next time. /:

Okay, i seriously need to study my ass off now. But.. im thinking of what to wear later.. Hmm.. Okay, i shall officially start!

Right after i think of something to wear. Hiak.

Peace.

J

2009-06-05T02:28:00.008+08:00

So J did this survey thing and he was suppose to say 10 things to different people without naming them. And this was what he said to me.. "Brother, live strong. I need to crap on you. I mean with." Wth! Nevertheless, i still love you sis (cuz he's more like a sister to me and im more like a brother to him).

I wrote as my msn nick the other day "Good girls gotta get down with the gangsters.." and the next thing i knew his msn convo popped up with this picture and he went "YOU GET DOWN WITH A GANGSTER I SMACK YOU" Gangster much? Haha, still threaten to smack me. Tsk tsk. Sis, the will of karma spinnnnnnnnnnnnns...

(chatting)
C: Haha! Wtf lah k
C: I mean J
J: Now you got me all mixed up! Nothing to say. Really. NOTHING.

C: No! I just typed wrongly!

J: Really, its ok.

C: The two letters are just beside each other!

J: You dont see me typing "Haha, V that's so funny.." now do you?

J: Nvm, nothing to say. Really.

(his reply in some survey)

35.) How often do u talk to God?

I dont have his contact.

Wth. Lol.

Homies

2009-06-04T16:49:00.007+08:00

You know how your friends tell you "i'll be your shoulder to cry on, im just a phone call away, you can always count on me.." etcetera right?
Well.. my homies and i say/do more that just that..
Like how i woke up at 3am odd for V to hear her rant about some fabulous Chanel bag.. Or how i was there for her when her certain needs had to be satisfied (sounds wrong, but true..)

And also when V was feeling down, N turned to me and said "let's get a pack of cigarettes for her.." (haha), or how we would get booze and chill hearing rants after rants and sing songs till we cry. We cried till we laugh, we laughed till we cried with aching faces and tummies. (((:

Looking back at all the things i've gone through, im like.. woah. The one time i would always remember was the hurt and sadness portrayed on their faces when they saw me in my most fragile of moments or the fresh cuts on my wrists. I still remembered how much they cared and looked after me that day. Applying medicine to my wounds and bandaging my hand up. They were there for me every single day and especially at times when i needed them most. Even if it's at 3 in the morning. But through worse times and the best times of my life, the same faces and names kept appearing in my mind. Those whom were always constantly there. And till today, i've never stopped being thankful for having them in my life.

Bitches (be it girls, or guys who just arent men enough/assholes/jerks) they come and go. But you guys are for life. ((;

V, N, J, Z, K, WJ, JW and Maine. ♥

Mixtape - Butch Walker

2009-06-04T03:09:00.007+08:00

You say hello, inside I'm screaming I love you
You say goodnight, in my mind
I'm sleeping next to you
You drive away from my car crash of a heart
And I don't know

But you gave me the best mixtape I have
And even all the bad songs ain't so bad
I just wish there was so much more than that
About me and you

You talk to him, and it burns me like the sun
You talk to her, and you say that you feel like he's the one
I talk to me, but you can't hear the pain I feel
You don't know

Cause you gave me the best mixtape I have
And even all the sad songs ain't so sad
I only wish that there was more than that
About me and you

Oh, don't turn around and say bye again
Yeah it crushes my head when you call me
Your friend and I'm not the same person
From back in the day in the back of the class
That you thought was gay
No I can't find the words cause I lost them
The minute they fell out of my mouth
And it's love and I'm in it, so give me your lips
And just let me kiss 'em
And let's get messed up and listen to probably...

The best mixtape I have
And even all the bad songs ain't so bad
I just wish there was so much more than that
About me and you
-

Current most fav song right now. It's in my playlist (right at the bottom) if you wanna check it out. It has been stuck in my head for days now, and no im not complaining this time. I'm in love with it.

I realised i havent been in love for quite awhile. As in, head over heels for someone for prolly a year now. Someone whom i cant live without, irreplaceable. I know people say it all the time. The same thing to every different person he/she has been with. Been there, done that. Maybe that's why im more on guard with my heart. Nothing wrong with that right? I just havent really met a guy who i think is worthy to lay everything down for. At least not yet.
They say to be with someone who loves you more than you love them. I think that's bull. Seriously, if everyone was to think like that, where's the love?

Words can only mean so much. And love is definitely more than just words. It's not about how long you're together, but how great the love is to make you guys last. Trust me, i know. ((:

I learnt alot while talking to W recently. You know how some girls would go "all guys are jerks.." and my standard reply would be "no.. you just havent met the right one.." and i guess it's a pretty big deal since i've really been through shit but yet can still stay so positive about this whole situation? But W is one of the reasons why i keep having faith. He's sucha positive person it just perks me up! We can relate alot (eg. anti-starwars/startrek movie people haha), which is cool. And i can definitely relate to what he had been through before. "Sometimes you get so tired.. you just dont want to try anymore.." Worddddd. Too much of a good thing can be a bad thing sometimes, but too much of a bad thing will never be a good thing. So.. yea im taking my chances.

With You..

2009-06-03T23:55:00.009+08:00

Dont give up on faith. Im here for you.

SIMS 3

2009-06-03T17:00:00.011+08:00

@ Iluma working for the launch of Sims 3!

Look at the queue! I couldnt believe people would even stay over night for it. I mean, im a huge fan but even im not that crazy.

People queued for hours to get it, and i got it in less than 30minutes. Hadeeha.

First customer!

This dude was first in the line and he queued for a whole whooping 16hours!!

Someone painted it on the spot for some game and man, he/she's good.

I havent got a chance to play with it yet. Im afraid i would get too addicted to it and ive yet to study for this Saturday's exam. Im sucha last minute person.. this is bad. The box is staring at me. As if saying "open me Carissa.. open me..." Tempting...

Dont Trust Me

2009-06-02T04:21:00.005+08:00

*click for clearer image*

Z asked N to forward me this message. Haha, really funny. The chinese version of Dont Trust Me - 3OH!3. But still, nothing can bet V's chinese version of Get Low. Have to record it someday. It's really the direct translation. Hilarious.

Dude, you're so predictable, so full of yourself. Snap out of it. You're only lying to yourself.
Sometimes your actions really makes me wonder whether it's even worth it to try and be friends with you.

SAFE HERE

2009-06-01T16:48:00.013+08:00

Maintaining a facade of normalcy had been exhausting..

But even when life has take it's toll on me

I know i will be safe here

From all the sheer weight of my doubts and fears,

Weary heart, i know, i will be safe here.

Remember how we laughed

Until we cried

At the most stupid things

Like we were so high

But love was all that we were on

We belong

When the light disappears

When the world is so insincere

When no one understood me

They believed

I know that with them, i'll be safe here.

GoldinUniverse.com

2009-05-31T16:33:00.004+08:00

Name: Carissa Lam
Date: 5/31/2009
Colorgenics Number: 14035762

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You are seeking an affectionate relationship, offering fulfilment and happiness. You are capable of powerful emotional enthusiasm. Deep down, you are a kind loving person, always helpful and willing to adapt yourself if necessary to realise the bond of affection that you desire. But you need the same consideration and understanding from others and it is this need that will sometimes hold you back... so let go, trust and you may pleasantly surprised at what happens.

You are experiencing considerable difficulty trying to achieve your goals. As a consequence of this you are becoming more and more irritable. Your friends and acquaintances are finding it increasingly more difficult to appease or to reason with you. You are the cause of your own problems. Don't be so impulsive. It is your vacillation that can lead to problems and uncertainties. Ease up a little.

We are all conditioned by our environment and as such we respond to people's perception of ourselves, but you feel that conditions are not right at this time. You are experiencing certain reservations that are precluding you to develop a particular relationship, business or personal, that is being offered. It is 'make your mind up time' - the decision is all yours, but whatever decision you make, it will be the right one.

You are presently experiencing excessive stress as a result of self-restraint. You act and think differently from the common herd and you want to be liked and admired for yourself and to associate with people who feel and act as you do. Because of this need to be self-reliant and to break away from mediocrity, you are finding this situation most uncomfortable and you are experiencing considerable anxiety - perhaps even more than you feel the capacity to cope with. You need to find a 'soul mate', someone whose standards are as high as your own - but where? Keep on searching... The situation is uncomfortable and you would like to break away from it, but you refuse to compromise with your opinions. You are unable to resolve the situation because you are continually postponing the making of necessary decisions. You are stubborn but this is no deterrent to a happy life, so why drop your standards. Think positively, everything will work out. It has worked out successfully for you in the past and it will again in the future.

The tensions and stresses that you have experienced of late have been the result of trying to cope with conditions which are really beyond your capabilities. You feel completely inadequate to cope with the situation and you would like nothing better to escape from it all and to be able to relax in a problem and pressure free environment where you can do your thing.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is so scary! It's so accurate! It's even scarier cuz it doesnt talk about anything in particular, like love, studies, etcetera, but about your life as a whole. And somehow mine talked about love/relationships. Im sucha sucker for romance. Tested and proven.

I told one of my darkest secret to V, K, J and N. Out of everyone in the www (whole wide world), only they know about this. Sorry to have made some of you cry, but im glad i got it off my chest. I didnt dare tell anyone of this before, but i know they are people whom i can rely on. ♥

Nobody but you?

2009-05-31T04:12:00.004+08:00

So you know that V and N got the song Gee By Girl's Generation irritatingly stuck in my head? Till now i have no idea why they're so crazy about it but it's irritatingly addictive. And them singing it to me randomly doesnt help a single bit. But anyhoo, there's this other song called Nobody But You by Wondergirls which is supposingly the huge "craze" among alot of people right now and still, irritatingly annoying to me. I for one aint a fan of these kinda songs somehow. But V found a "version" of it that made me laugh. Like totally.
*playlist is at the bottom if you wanna pause the music*

About Swine Flu/H1N1

Mr Brown is awesome. But no one can beat Russel Peters, Nigahiga and Ms Swan! They're awesome-r than awesome. If you've no idea who they are, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN IN YOUR LIFE MAN! Go youtube them for entertainment. You're sure to be amused.

I know this post is somewhat irrelevant, but what the heck.. My eyes are bailing out on me already, so hit the sheets i must!

Martell Martell
(cuz XO XO haha.)

Let Go.

2009-05-30T03:42:00.011+08:00

Everyday feels like a Friday, or a Saturday and a Sunday. I've been getting use to this kinda life. Merely a month more and it's back to the books for me. Surprisingly, something im quite looking forward to actually. Not totally, but yea. Time to adapt back to my studious mode. If i ever had one that is.

My friday was spent..

working
@ Great World City. Nothing "great" at all.
driving the cab driver, J and K crazy with our (me and v) crap. We didnt have to be drunk to get high.
Sheesha
5-10s
Heart to heart talks (:

Are you as fascinated as i am by V?
more photos in facebook!

Im really amazed by how i've such great friends and family. It's really.. wow. They've seen me through my worse and best moments. Having them is just unbelievable. ((:

Okay, i better get going if not i'll be late! Im going to meet N today and damn im psyched. Been ages since i've last met him. And i really really really miss N loads. You hear me N? Though N is going through NS, he never fails to read my blog or ask me what's been happening in my life. Which really means alot to me.

When a guy constantly smses or calls you, would you be irritated by it or touched by his peserverance? Hmm..

We're in the same room
but living two worlds apart.
I see those teardrops falling from your eyes
But that dont change my mind.
Please dont make things more difficult than they gotta be.
I cant take you anymore.
Everytime i look at you, i see more reason for me to leave you.
And.. im glad i did.

Love.

2009-05-29T01:52:00.013+08:00

Watched How I Met Your Mother just now. And damn, i really found the last couple of episodes of season 4 very super meaningful and related to me. Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes, or rather, most of the times, life can be sucha bitch. We go through shit and we'll be like.. "damn, my life sucks." Then we start to ponder about how life could've been if we hadnt have done this, didnt say that etcetera. But i guess from all this "shit", we grow.

My pastor quoted, "a person who grows up in comfort is no match for a person who grows up through adversity..." and how true that is.

Im changing. Im growing. Im not the person whom i use to be, and that's perfectly fine with me. But you dont know me. Im not the girl who i used to be. You're in love with this girl who thought you were her everything then. But the truth is, she's not here anymore. I dont even think you know me, what more to even try and understand me.

When you said you loved me, i just laughed. Dude, you dont know anything about love. If you think this is love, then im sorry, cuz i dont. I have been through my share of joy and heartbreaks, but man, this is not love. Seriously.

"Who are you to talk about love?", you ask. Nobody actually. Im just a sucker for romance just like anyone else i guess. But like i said before, i would really want someone who would be there for me throughout. Not only when he feels like it. And each anniversary, each special occasion would be memorable and happy. We'll be happy cuz we have each other. We dont have to be with each other 24/7, but we want to. Not that we have no life separately, but when you're in love, he becomes part of it. He would mean everything to me, and i would mean everything to him. To have and to hold. And whoever says that "it's only like that during the start of the relationship cuz it's the honeymoon period.." i tell you, fuck you. Fuck you.

What's the point of being together when you know it wont work out? What's the point? I really cannot see it the way you do, really. I really really cant. You say im protecting myself from getting hurt. But is it so wrong? Who are you to judge me, or say anything about me, my choices or my beliefs. You werent there to see me laugh, or cry, or hurt and you certainly didnt see/help me come back up. So let me tell you, you have no fucking right to say i should be with you. Oh wait, the best part. You have no fucking rights to say i should be with you.. when you already have someone else beside you.

Peace.

MANCHESTER UNITED

2009-05-28T02:42:00.008+08:00

/edit @11am

Sadly, they didnt win. But neverthless, they're still the best.

And it has began!

Manchester United FTW baby!

Heehee, both my fav.
Im cutting sleep for this even though i have work later. BUT IT'S WORTH IT!

Goodbye

2009-05-27T22:17:00.007+08:00

You know this thing aint been a walk in the park for us.
And i dont wanna see you cry,
but i dont want to have to be the one to tell you a lie..

There's never a right time to say goodbye
But i gotta make the first move cause if i dont you're gonna start hating me..
Cause i really dont feel the way i once felt for you
Boy it's not you, it's me
I kinda gotta figure out what i need

Boy i know your heart is breaking
And a thousand times i found myself asking "Why? Why have i been taking so long to say this?"
But trust me boy, i never meant to crush your world
And i never thought i'ld see the day we'ld grow apart..

Boy i hope you understand what im trying to say
We just cant keep pretending that we get along
How do you not see it?
Listen to your heart, you know we should be apart..
I rather hurt you honestly, then mislead you with a lie..

I realised how stupid i was and i wondered why did it take me so long. I was sucha fool. But fuck, im not that girl anymore. Not anymore.

I know that next to you is not where i belong. Your eyes tell a tale of an act of betrayal.

Everything happens for a reason.

Crossed roads but not entwined..

2009-05-27T01:24:00.014+08:00

Caught Sky Of Love just now and damn, it was awesome. Im sucha sucker for romantic, sappy movies. To Be With You and The Notebook are also fab movies. All three left me drowning in my own tears. Great.

The thought of traveling to Toa Payoh later for work is insane. Been waking up at 10am almost every single day. V had to bombard my phone with calls and smses. Im so not a morning person. Tested and proven.

This is so unfair. I've to travel to ToaPayoh, Bukit Timah, Tiong Bahru etc for work and not one day is it near the west. This sucks. Im starting to wonder what's the purpose of working actually. I spend my money cabbing to work which is already so expensive. So its kinda like im back to square one. Which sucks.

This is work for us. Having fun. Hadeeha.

V eats very random things randomly. Like just now, she went to get a packet of cheese out of the blue to munch. And she says i'm weird. Geez.

Blind..

2009-05-26T02:16:00.002+08:00

I think im moving here for now. Im kinda sick of lj and lazy to delete the rest of my old posts there. But dont remove me people! Cuz i'll still post private posts and all, so add me up in lj if you're interested in reading or whatsoever.

Anyhoo, i had teeth-whitening just now and fuck, it's 10x worse than getting a tattoo, seriously. It's like getting electric shocked over and over again for 2 whole hours. I was trying my best not to scream and fidget too much cuz i've to keep real.. real.. still. My teeth are super sensitive now and it still hurts quite bad. And damn, they even give me a whole list of what to eat and what not to. NO CHILLI, NO TEA, NO ANY SORT OF COLOURED FOOD/DRINKS FOR ONE WEEK! Can you believe it? And yes, there's more..
V and Kris had a good time making fun of me. Ha ha, very funny you guys. Pfft.

Im working with V for EA Games/Sims 3 for this week and next tuesday. Can you believe Sims 3 is launching next tuesday? Psyched! I know it sounds pretty dorky, but the pay is awesome. 10/h. Awesome.

Okay, back to The Nanny > Friends > The Simpsons.

Sup

2009-05-24T23:38:00.000+08:00

Sup sup. Im kinda sick of lj right now for.. no apparent reasons i guess. Okay, actually there is a reason. Plurk dont work on livejournal which kinda sucks. This whole"moving" thing isnt official. At least not yet. Im still considering the pros and cons..

Oh well, till then!
C