Watched How I Met Your Mother just now. And damn, i really found the last couple of episodes of season 4 very super meaningful and related to me. Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes, or rather, most of the times, life can be sucha bitch. We go through shit and we'll be like.. "damn, my life sucks." Then we start to ponder about how life could've been if we hadnt have done this, didnt say that etcetera. But i guess from all this "shit", we grow. My pastor quoted, "a person who grows up in comfort is no match for a person who grows up through adversity..." and how true that is.
Im changing. Im growing. Im not the person whom i use to be, and that's perfectly fine with me. But you dont know me. Im not the girl who i used to be. You're in love with this girl who thought you were her everything then. But the truth is, she's not here anymore. I dont even think you know me, what more to even try and understand me.
When you said you loved me, i just laughed. Dude, you dont know anything about love. If you think this is love, then im sorry, cuz i dont. I have been through my share of joy and heartbreaks, but man, this is not love. Seriously.
"Who are you to talk about love?", you ask. Nobody actually. Im just a sucker for romance just like anyone else i guess. But like i said before, i would really want someone who would be there for me throughout. Not only when he feels like it. And each anniversary, each special occasion would be memorable and happy. We'll be happy cuz we have each other. We dont have to be with each other 24/7, but we want to. Not that we have no life separately, but when you're in love, he becomes part of it. He would mean everything to me, and i would mean everything to him. To have and to hold. And whoever says that "it's only like that during the start of the relationship cuz it's the honeymoon period.." i tell you, fuck you. Fuck you.
What's the point of being together when you know it wont work out? What's the point? I really cannot see it the way you do, really. I really really cant. You say im protecting myself from getting hurt. But is it so wrong? Who are you to judge me, or say anything about me, my choices or my beliefs. You werent there to see me laugh, or cry, or hurt and you certainly didnt see/help me come back up. So let me tell you, you have no fucking right to say i should be with you. Oh wait, the best part. You have no fucking rights to say i should be with you.. when you already have someone else beside you.
Peace.
