Here in my heart.

Wherever we are, even worlds apart, i know you're never really that far.

Cuz i know that you'ld always be here in my heart. ♥

I love you baby! And i cant wait to see you soon. Tomorrow shall be the day! Unless you still think your girlfriend is very boring cuz she cannot think of any places to go and you decided to stay home to sleep and just msn her instead!! Which YOU BETTER DONT OK cuz i will drag you out of the house! Sit at some void deck, or sit outside some 7-Eleven to eat cup noodles, as long as im with you, i'm contented. See?! Sucha good girlfriend, where to find?! Tsk tsk. LOL.

Anway, just want to let you know that i miss you and you're prolly sleeping now. Wait, you BETTER be sleeping now at this hour if not i whack you then you know! Haha. Im going to try my best and prove you wrong and that i CAN wake up later. You wait and see!! And plz dont wake me up at 3am for fun cuz it's not fun at all!! You always see happiness in my sorrows. Sigh. Lol.

Baby, thanks for always being there for me. I know you tend to worry alot about me and all. But thanks for always hearing me out, and always putting your men-ego aside. What i say about you still stand true ; the world can use more guys like you. ((:

Im very blessed to have you in my life. Afterall, you're my wonderwall.

xx

Bros before hoes.

I was talking to baby so i was away from my computer. And when i came back...

(msn)

Jerrel: Got Jeremy, no need to reply Jerrel already right!

C: I was away just now!

Jerrel : Nvm if you're not free la. Dont have to come up with excuses. It's okay with me that you have other priorities now. Im not jealous.

C: Haha! You so are!! Ok lah, i miss you.

Jerrel: Aww, thats sweet but it aint 2 way.

C: WHAT THE FUCK?!

Jerrel: Anyway i need your help..

C: Why should i help YOU when you said something so hurtful?!

(then he started his crap..)

Jerrel: You know me man. It's because we're so damn close, SO close, that i dared to talk to you. It's based on the trust on the level of relationship we have that i dared to break the barrier. I have to sweet talk all the other girls but i know you're different C.

You're beyond any other girl in my life. How special you are cannot be simply described by words alone. You are beyond words, beyond what i can explain. You mean so much to me, so much so that i am confused. Confused like an idiot, uncertain of how much you actually stand in my heart. A heart so fragile,but you strengthen it through your presence alone. Knowing you have been more than enough for me to overcome almost everything. Wait, it is everything, big or small, you are my spritual support. I dont need God when others do, because i have you and that is enough. You are the thing i need deep down inside. When ever i face problems, i think of you. This bond we have, i know can never be broken. Even if you choose to break it, i will still be connected to you.

C: HAHA! What the fuck? You're one of those guys who would "bluff" those xiao mei meis sort.

Jerrel: Wtf is that suppose to mean! I dont have to say this much to other females okay! But i said this much to you. Be thankful!

C: I dont know why i just "LOL-ed" at it. Lol. And again! Haha.

Jerrel: You hurt me time and time again.

C: HAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Jerrel: They dont know how good i am with words and the ladies. ^^

C: SO IM JUST ONE OF THOSE "LADIES" YOU USE SUCH WORDS TO?! @:

Jerrel: NO. You're the only lady i use such words on.

C: And Huiying (his girlfriend) la.

Jerrel: No. Dont use this crap on her. Too shitty.

C: WHAT THE FUCK.

FRIENDSHIP OVER!

Hahahahah.

Dammit J. I think it has been a month already. Study and stay so close also doesnt matter. NO TIME for me. Only called me up for fuck? To take hardisk. You best uh sister. Sigh. To think last time SOMEBODY 3am still would look for me if i ever needed him. Now? 3pm also cannot make time for me. Sigh. Change is only constant in life. People change. Where did the love go man? SIGHHHHHHH.

Haha! Sister, seriously we need to catch up soon. And dont tell me MSN okay, it's DIFFERENT. Even if now 3pm you're nowhere to be found (sighhhhhhhh), i'm still here for you ok! Unlike SOMEBODY. I think you know him very well~~ Haha. But yea J, you still mean alot to me. Bros before hoes. You should know this code by now. Haha! ((:

Love Emails.

Lol. Love letters are out now. Love-emails are in! Upgrade already. Haha.

Received a super sweet email from baby today. He damn cute. Kept hinting me to check my mails. Even sent me another email so that i would check my inbox. Lol! He says that im slow... like i didnt catch any of the hints he was sending out. Haha, sorry la baby. d:

Y'know, sometimes i really do wonder what i did to deserve someone like him. Or to even be able to call him mine. After so much sufferings, so many wrong guys, he was the only one who seemed so right. The day i met him.. i dont know why it seemed just very fated that i ended up there. Wasnt planned or anything. Infact, our (v, n and me) initial plan was screwed so we ended up some place else to meet up with other friends and somehow our paths crossed, intertwined. And im very very thankful for that day, and also for having him in my life. Always am, always will be. ((:

Im overwhelmed with gratitude. Sweet baby, im so thankful i found you JT..

xoxo

For you, i will..

"Wait for the person who pursues you, the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical, the kind of person who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person. Wait for the person who will be your best friend , the only person who will drop everything to be with you at any time no matter what the circumstances, for the person who makes you smile like no one else and when they smile you know they need you. Wait for the person who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats and a tee shirt, but appreciates it when you get dressed up for them. And most of all, wait for the person who will put you up at the center of their universe, because that’s where you belong."

- That's how i feel whenever im with you ♥

JT Junior ((:

Picked Chermaine up on friday and we headed to "Malaysia" @ Punggol. Haha! Seriously, the north doesnt look anything Singapore-ish to me. No offence people, but i think im just a pure west sider. The journey from my house to MDIS to Punggol was hell. Jam all the fucking way, jerk after jerk. Even the driver could tell i was pissed off. But i guess nothing can compare to the way i felt when we've reached our destination. If you know what i mean. I thought i heard my heart break when me and Chermaine gasped at the price. Okay la, my fault. Chermaine already told me to take the MRT but i just had to say "ahyah jam so long already, i doubt we're that unlucky to face anymore jams ahead.." And fuck, i spoke too soon. Oh well..

Overall, i did have fun. Even had fun watching Chermaine gulp those bottle of beers down as forfeits for some games. Lol. As for me, win or lose, it doesnt really matter since my boyfriend is the one drinking everything for me. ^^ I shall not repeat that night of playing 5-10 with him, which i now know i suck terribly at. Even he says so. )): Glasses after glasses + a Flaming Lambo + empty stomach and i puked like 5 times. Gah, not a good sight. s: Somehow my fridays are always spent wasted leaving him to take care of me. Lol. Shall lay off the booze for awhile. /:

Oh yes..

Say hello to JT Junior! Haha. Baby got it for me and it kinda reminds me alot of him. In a very.. "im-very-blur" way. Lol. I for one aint a girly-girl or someone who'll go gaga over plushies but somehow it still means alot to me. I love it baby, thank you. ((:

PS: Im happy to say that im recovering. Not fully recovered yet, but recovering. Had like super high fever and sore throat afew days back but it's all better now. ((:

xx

Smile

Im really moved to tears. Baby has been taking good care of me since i've been unwell this couple of days. He even came down to fetch me home after school. He wanted to make it a surprise but he ended up at SIM head quarters instead of the management house which was where i was at. Haha, damn cute la he. ((: He came over yesterday to take care of me but i hope he didnt catch anything from me though. /: He kept making fun of me because i had to wear that stupid mask thingy to see the doctor. Pfft.

I always feel happiest when im with him. Even if we're not doing anything. Just lying in his arms, having him by my side.. really makes me feel happy and secured. I really dont know what i did to actually deserve him or to be able to call him mine. I really really dont. But i feel like the luckiest girl alive. I dont know what he sees in me, but i cant think of any reason not to fall in love with him.

He told me to check my handphone's calender post for today, and i found a note saying "i love you". I was super shocked and touched to tears. The feeling i had when i read that message was just.. overwhelming. I was just so so shocked and touched by what he did. No words can ever express how i felt upon reading those mere 3 words which meant everything to me. I've fallen even more in love with him. ((:


Smile - Uncle Kracker

You're better than the best
I'm lucky just to linger in your light
Cooler than the flip side of my pillow, that's right
Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where you send me,
Lets me know that it's ok, yeah it's ok
And the moments where my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile

Even when you're gone
Somehow you come along
Just like a flower poking the sidewalk crack and just like that
You steal away the rain and just like that

Don't know how I lived without you
Cuz everytime that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild

JT baby, it's undeniable that we should be together. I know how much you mean to me. I dont have to think twice or wtv because i do know. Dont ever for a second doubt my love for you because you mean the world to me. You're like a dream come true, i just want to be with you and it's plain to see that you're the only one for me. What i feel for you is real, and i know that time will reveal. ((:
I love you.

xx

Cadbury Advert

Im sure most of you would have already seen the Cadbury Advertisement (Eyebrows). There's this competition going on and i think J should totally sign up for it. I mean, just check out the video he made!

LOL

As long as you're right here by me..

Seriously, you always make my day ((:

Dammit. Think im catching something. Seriously dont want to fall ill. Arghs. But anyhoo, caught Harry Potter the other day with JT baby. It was a disappointment, but poor baby had to sit through 3 hours of it just because of me. He was fidgeting throughout. Haha. But i guess he's the only person i know who has never seen any Harry Potter movies before. And he calls me weird and deprived of my childhood years cuz i have never watched Star Wars before. He's so gonna make me watch it with him. Help!! Haha.

Met up with baby, V and Dex for Botak Jones all the way at Toa Payoh.. damn. Finally that girl can satisfy herself with that lamb chop of hers. Haha. But yea, missed her. She was so unwell till we couldnt even meet for a week! Tsk, i think im catching something now. Hmm..

I miss JT. We were talking on the phone for a couple of hours just now till his phone died and he has no charger. I also dont know why. Haha. But it means i wont be able to reach him until he gets home. Kinda depressing though cuz we normally sms each other to sleep. And i think i have the cutest (he hates it when i call him cute. haha) boyfriend alive. I was asking him about his chinese name and he wrote "wo ai lam". Seriously i think i was laughing to myself like some retard. Haha.

Baby, till now i cant stop feeling so appreciative of you. You really do make me feel happy, and you would go an extra mile just to make sure i stay happy. You would even send me home even if i stay in the west and you stay at freaking Punggol (!!) even if i tell you not to. And the way you write "i love you" on my palms using your finger tips. These things that you do always leave me smiling. ((:
I know you always feel upset whenever you see my scars or hear about my past, but baby, i never regretted or would ever want to change history because all those led me to you. I know you'ld feel insecure at times but remember that im here for you, being that weird stoning girl whom you fell in love with. Haha. I hope you would feel as happy as i am whenever im with you, cuz i know you make me happy. And fuck any of those girls who wanna take you away from me cuz i dont wanna let you go. I know i held back because i was afraid, but i dont think i can hold back how i feel about you anymore. As long as you're here by me, thats what i need. ((:

xx

180709

"I know that your ex-boyfriends treated you quite badly. But im not a very nice guy as well. But i will really do my best to make you happy. I really want to be with you. To be there for you when you're down, to share our ups and downs together. Carissa, i love you."

If i could freeze a moment in my mind, it will be the second you held me in your arms. The feeling of being beside you.. is amazing. Im very bad in showing appreciation and gratitude, but im truly thankful of you. I thought it would really take me some time to open up to you. But with you, it feels very different. It feels right.

I always wondered why I never met you before I did, and why we never got the chance to start earlier than we did. Then I realized I met you the exact second I was ready to truly appreciate you. After what i've gone through, you've no clue how much im really thankful of you. I know you're worried cuz you cant always be there for my physically cuz you're in NS and we stay so far apart. But whenever you need me, you'll know where to find me. And as for me, i know you'll always be there for me.

Words can only mean so much, but walking this journey with you is something i wouldnt trade anything for. ((:

Careful With My Heart.

It's the little things that you do, they pulled me in and I'm defenseless. I tried to ignore like I've done before but it's just useless. I've made up my mind that I'm gonna let you in. And I'm not afraid but I have to say, this is gonna hurt if it ever ends. But somehow you have shattered my defense, the walls i built around my heart. It's the things you do, they made me fall hard for you and I can't help it. And it's every day that I feel this way, so just don't stop it. You hit me like a ray of sun, burning through my darkest night. You're the only one that I want. I think I'm addicted to your light. I guess I'll take my chances now that I know love is on the line.

So promise you'll be careful with my heart.

Schooling..

JT ((:

Went to look for V after my first day of school (13th monday). Except for the fact that i've to carry like 5 stacks of lecture notes all over town, overall = not too bad. A little too quiet for my liking though. But gah, guess it's all like that during the first day? But guess what? I was late and the last person to arrive so when i walked in there were like 50 odd people looking at me? Makes me feel a little.. insecure and all. Gosh, hate that feeling. /:

Anyhoo, JT came cuz V had to leave early so we watched Transformers 2, like finally! Okay, "finally" for me cause i havent watched it and almost EVERYONE i know watched it without me (thanks guys), including JT. He said he didnt mind watching again but i know his real reason is because he wants to see the Sector 7 guy in his thong. Think i dont know uh JT? Lol.

Second day wasnt too bad. Better infact. But thank God V called and convinced me to wake up/go to school cuz i was like 40% sure of bailing school on the freaking second day!!! Dammit Carissa.

Random, but it's like 12am odd now and im already sleepy. Woots, it's been darn long since i slept before 2am. Let's just hope it turns out that way though. And that i can actually wake up! Im already looking forward to the friday/weekends. (((((((:

xx

BOOM BOOM SHAKE SHAKE NOW DROP!

Got to finally meet up with my PIC (partners in crime) for two days straight! We had an awesome dinner at NYNY and went messy with our leftovers and free candy floss. It was pretty gross. Thanks to N, V and Z. Haha.

Afro candy floss!

Bigger than her head!

I had a helluva fun that day. I guess it's what i needed since im starting school like tomorrow? Psyched or dreading? Kinda both but yea. We headed to Rebel and Zirca to meet up with the rest.

By the time we crash back at my place, the sun was already up and sleepiness was catching on to us. But Bernard and Jeremy was very nice to send us back and take care of wasted people like me and V. They were like "Oh man, shouldnt have kept asking them to drink.." Haha, turns out they had to send us back to my place to crash. Lol.

Alright, let the pictures do the talking.

Party like a rockstar!

"BOOM BOOM SHAKE SHAKE NOW DROP!" - Highly addictive!

This is Bernard's "C/Stroke Move". Haha.

Jeremy. Who i owe alot to for taking care of me the entire night.

(:

N gulping it down!

And so did the rest!

Alvin, N and Bernard.

I'm feeling.. old. I was exhausted yesterday when we met for awesome pizza + bubble tea. (Cant remember when was the last time i even had bubble tea. Hmm..) It shall be a tradition for CNVZ! (: Headed back to N's place to catch up on some snooze. And today, i couldnt even wake up for my FT lessons! It's already my second time bailing and i pray that i wont have this sorta thinking/mindset for SIM. Im still trying to digest the information "im starting school tomorrow!!" into my head. Gah.

But ah well, a new start/chapter in my life. I just have to suck it up and embrace it. Something i have been doing alot lately. Everything happens for a reason, no? ((:

There there baby, it's just textbook stuff.

It's in the ABCs of growing up.

xx

J&C Returns!

J & C Returns..
(previous post for proper update)

#1

- I sent some links to J to show him some of the amazing photos my friends took. -
C: -paste links-

J: The chinese dude in specs quite cute uh? Haha

C: What the fuck? I just showed you some amazing photographs and all you can say is "the chinese dude in specs quite cute uh"?!
J: LOL!

-
#2
J: Eh, the guy in your blog quite fit uh..
C: Haha, yea, he quite cute right? He got pacs.
-Then i paused and thought to myself..-
C: WAIT A MINUTE! Are you talking about yourself in your birthday celebration post?!
J: Im not talking about myself la, im talking about the first guy (previous post)! Do you know me like that? Tsk. Pac as if i dont have like that..
C: WHATEVER.
J: If you think his bod is wow, you should see mine now!
-THEN J PUT HIS BOD PICTURE AS HIS DISPLAY PIC!!!! LOL WTF-

-
#3
- J went about how the models in the pictures werent good looking OR as good looking as he is (rolls eyes here), how their shirts are distracting and better if plain etc and i got irritated! Lol -
C: IM ONLY IN CHARGE OF THE PORTRAIT SHOTS, NOTHING ELSE THATS ALL LA! :@
J: WHAT?! It's either you're in charge of everything or nothing at all. What do they take you as?! Damn it! Give me their contacts!!
C: Wtf?! LOL

-
#4
- J thought that the guy in specs (the guy in the last photo in the previous post) was cute so i went to paste some links of his pictures for J to admire but J got sick of him.. -
J: Aye, no now more. Lol. <-- J was trying to say he dont find that guy cute anymore.

C: What the hell is "no now more"? HAHA LOSER.

J: Waaaaaaaa! Calling me a loser over some guy? WE'RE OVER MAN!"

C: HAHAHAH. WTF

-

#5

C: Somehow our msn conversations always appear in my blog..

J: Because the things i say is always, ALWAYS, memorable!

J: I REPEAT, ALWAYS!

-

Haha! I still think nothing beats "FML J&C Style"!

LOL.

ANYWAY

HAPPY MOTHERFUCKING BIRTHDAY J!!

Love ya even though you fuck my life most of the times. Haha!

8 years of sister/bro-ship man.

We're legen... wait for it... dary!!

Lol. Alright, previous post for a proper update!

Beyond Saving's Photoshoot

Gah! The weather was bad today. Technically yesterday. It rained heavily so we couldnt do the shoot at Punggol End again!!! Suckfest. So we had to search for a new place, somewhere less muddy etcetera. The shots turned out great! Was in charge of individual portrait shots for one band, Beyond Saving, and i could totally feel my stress level rising!! Imagine two awesome photographers watching you shoot, waiting for you to give them "orders" to shift the flashes, lightings etcetera. "Stress is good.." they say. Oh my gosh.

More pictures here!

I got two of my exam results already. And thank God i passed! Seriously a load off my shoulders man. But i got one more paper which havent got into the mail yet. And that paper happens to be the hardest! Damn. Plz plz plz be a pass.

And oh yes, talking about school, im starting in one week time! No more life of a no lifer. Im gonna miss this life. If it is even called a life of basically doing nothing or anything i want. Haha. I kinda miss school but yet dread it. Kinda like having my life not planned out and live everyday as it is doing whatever i want but it can be boring sometimes. Catch my drift? Me and my contradictions.. Haha.

And as for driving, im going back for lessons again. I know im kinda, or very, slow.. but i have my reasons! I was so occupied with photoshoots, exams, people, etcetera. But damn, i cant take my BTT till August which is total madness! Gah. Should've booked earlier. And i cant even book for the slots now because i dont know when i will be free? FML.

But on a happier note, my tats are better now! Peeling and all. 7th one soon. Soon as in maybe a couple of days time? Woohooo! Psyched psyched psyched. ((:

J's Celebration

I miss J man. I havent seen him for two or three weeks and we're kind of those friends whom at least must one week meet once type. Nevertheless, im glad of us all did manage to meet up that day. Well, except for WJ of course. Hope your grandmother is doing better now WJ. ((:

They were playing a happy birthday song for J! He was happily dancing and singing with them. Haha!

Keith, Damien and Jerrel.

Drink it neat!

Damien was half wasted at about here. Lol.

Loves!

There are more pictures that i've yet to receive from Junwen though. But hell, i had loads of fun. Was still very much sober. Damien was the only one who went damn pale and cold. But he, J and Keith were the amusement of the night man! Guy-grinding, crotch-grabbing, pants unbuttoning.. need i say more? Haha!

Photoshoot tomorrow again! Woohoooo, time to bring my baby out again. And plz dont let it rain! Let the weather be good plz plz plz. *cross fingers

XX

Bangs!

Wassup wassup. I just came home not long ago from Indo Chine. We celebrated my motherfucking bestbestbestbestestfriend's, J, birthday in advance. Been so long since all of us met up but too bad WJ couldnt make it. Bummer. But i swear J's friend, Keith, is super duper extremely WJ-ish. His every expression, action and even the way he talk/crap around is totally like WJ!! Haha. But yes, I miss WJ. Meet up with us soon dude!

Anyhoo, V went to cut bangs! Haha. Something different and now she hates it when people call her cute. Haha. V HO, you bloody cute now.

And damn, i got the shock of my life yesterday. I thought i lost my precious phone in the cab but thank God it was in Kristine's house. Phew! And Double U smsed me but i didnt reply etcetera. He felt down. ): But somehow i had the urge/feeling to come back online even if it was 3am odd to talk to J and play poker then tadaaaa, he came online. But yea, shall spare you guys the details. Haha.

Woohoo, Chermaine is sending me the pictures for J's party. More with Junwen! And J, i hope you had a motherfucking time!! Love ya. ((:

XX