The heart of the matter..

I hate it when i let my emotions get a better hold on me. When i choose my head over my heart. Words come rushing out like vomit. Word vomit. The thing about words being said is that you can never take them back. No matter how much you want to. Then you've to face the aftermath with your heart filled with much regrets, anger, guilt.

Me the epitome of rash, strong-headed, harsh and well being kind of a.. bitch. Maybe at first i'll be like.. "no way", but i guess too many people have told me that i'm one (or even all) of the above mentioned. Not much of a shocker anymore. I've digested the cold hard truth, so nothing new there.

I hope i dont cross the line anytime soon or ever even. Why cant i just.. chillax? That's the respond i always get when i'm mad. Haha. I need anger management courses, like seriously. Guess what? I already have a therapist. His name is JT, 24/7 boyfriend, part-time bestfriend, 20% therapist, 30% shopping/dinning partner + etcs, 50% part of me and 100% always there for me. Love ya long time bb. ♥

Social House

Sup sup. I've been super busy lately juggling time with my bf, homies, school driving license etc. Time has past by pretty quickly actually. The year is already coming to an end, oh my gosh. My MDIS exam is coming in 3 weeks time and i've to do well and get it over with so i can get my diploma and proceed to get my degree. Chop chop curry pork!

The previous week was pretty much a blur. But i went ice-skating with BB on Saturday after catching a 12pm-ish movie at Plaza Sing. Can you believe it? 12pm-ish and i'm already in town? Normally i'll still be catching some snooze. Lol. Ice-skating was fun except the fact that my beloved boyfriend made several attempts to make me fall. Some boyfriend he is. Hmph.

Social House with the usuals after. ((:

Two of the lovers of my life!

Hiak.

V wants to kiss me too. Lol.

The two drunkards of the day! Lol.

I realised that i didnt do anything rather productive this year at all. Quite slack throughout i suppose? But i guess i better enjoy it while i still can. Once i start school next year at a whole new different level, i guess i would be drowning in the massive workload and stress. Just the thought of it makes me.. gah.

Oh well, like i said, enjoy while i still can. Cheers! ((;

Leave the memories alone..

I had a good "holiday" of 5 days. Overslept on Friday so gave school a miss, and i have a bad sore throat so Tuesday is also a miss for school. Ha dee ha. Movie marathon with BB during this break. The Ugly Truth, Inglorious Bastards and Crow 2. All of them were pretty good actually. Hmm.

Though the weekend was a long holiday, it wasnt a very smooth one. Never held so much anger in/at myself for a long time. But at the end of the day, who have i got to blame but myself? Being foolish and naive back then. Should've known better Carissa, you should've known better. Now i caused the person whom i love most in this www to be upset. Smooth move. My precious one putting a strong front, setting aside his own feelings in exchange for my happiness. Sigh. What did i do to ever deserve you my love?

Regrets and hauntings like dark clouds above my head. Time to open the windows to let them all out. For every wound, there's a scar. And for every scar, tells a story. A story that reads: "I survivied." So hell yea! ((:

2nd Monthversary

Woke up with loud thunders and lightening this morning. "Rain..", i thought to myself. I like raining days. Without knowing, i stretched my hand across the bed to hug you but you werent there. My eyes opened slowly, and realised how silly i was, you were in camp. You were lying beside me just a few hours before. You liked to pull the blanket over our heads, in the dark. At times we'll wrestle, at times we'll just cuddle. I've always loved the feeling. The feeling of you being beside me.

Reached over for my phone to call you immediately. Didnt even care whether you were driving or you were busy with camp. I just wanted to hear your voice. You laughed at my "grouchy cuz i just woke up" - voice. You always laughed at me. I pout, and you'll laugh again. Sometimes i want to be angry with you, but dammit, i never succeed. You always find a way to make me happy or smile. Boy, you know me best. You always know what to do.

I walked downstairs only to see a letter rested nicely on the table. "To my Grouchy Baboon" - it reads (baboon cuz my face is always red like a baboon's butt, he says). I laughed. "I know this month is quite bad for you with your busy schedule and heavy workload, but baby i just wanna let you know i'm always here for you, so share your sorrows with me, you're no longer alone.." Tears filled my eyes as i continued reading. Tears of happiness, tears of joy, tears of love.

Happy 2nd monthversary baby. I love you.

The voice inside my head.

I wanna let you know that i miss you. I miss our night talks, smses etcetera. Seems like they're getting lesser each day because of my busy schedule and workload. But i'm always looking forward to the weekends, cuz that's when i can finally meet you. I know you'll always be here for me, the words you speak i dont doubt. I know you'll do almost anything for me. "You're always my priority", you say. I know that whenever i feel sad or lonely, you'll rush down just to keep me company. And i know you're always just a phone call away, always willing to answer my calls even if you're already sleeping/tired. I miss you. So very much. Missing you was never easy to handle. Never is, never will.

Sometimes my thoughts run wild, or i might feel alittle lonely without you here physically with me, but at the end of the day, i know that we're never really far apart. For you're always in my heart. ((:

A part, but not apart.

(Proper post below)

Reminder.

Note to self:

"Breathe."

Just motherfucking breathe.

-

So i've come to a decision that i shall skip my Econs CA1 later on. Seriously, i dont know what the fuck is wrong with me. I'm feeling so fucking stressed up, but for fuck? Fuck knows why and i cant remember shit. Let's not talk about memorising, just the thought of flipping through the notes etcetera, makes me want to burn the whole pile straight away. Arghs, frustrates the crap out of me. Fuck Econs, like seriously.

Okay pardon my vulgar-side. Dont get me wrong, i do feel guilty for missing the paper. And my friends arent much of a help either. They're all "Carissa relax", "Carissa dont stress", "Dont give up", "You can do it", etcetera on me. How not to feel guilty? Gah. But going wont do me any good anyway. Waste of time to sit there and feel all shitty and demoralised for an hour or so. So.. catch up on some snooze and head to MDIS awake will be a much better choice, no?

My beloved laptop is back. With everything gone, that is. Sigh. The dude manage to save my tunes but guess what? No titles and all in weird numbers. Which means i have to listen to 2000+ songs and change the titles. Oh my fuck. Pictures, programs etcetera all gone. Sigh.

I'm in desperate need of the weekends. But yet i'm barely even half way through the week. Great or what?

FML.

Econs 101

I really need to study, like now. CA1 tomorrow and i know nuts. Skipped lessons yesterday with the intention to study but failed oh so badly. Need to stop procrastinating and being sucha lazy bum. Not that this CA1 or any exams, as a matter of fact, have anything to do with me anyways. Y'know.. heading to Kaplan and all. It sure does feel like i'm wasting my time in SIM when i can be doing other stuffs much more.. productive. Like my license, for instance, which is on hold for like months already? Damn.

Anyhoo, my laptop bailed on me on the last day of the IT fair. Great. Y'know you're a computer-addict when you go around asking if anyone has a spare laptop and you dont feel at ease without using one. So... now i'm stuck using Allen's laptop for a couple of days. I hope everything will still be intact in my laptop though. If not, music, pictures, notes.. EVERYTHING GONE. Arghs, the agony..

Ha. I realised that i'm more worried about my laptop than my Econs CA1 tomorrow. The computer dude said he would try to bring my beloved back to me today, so i find myself sitting here just waiting and waiting..

Where's my sense of urgency man? Oh well..

REBEL

@ REBEL

That's BB's dog, Casper. Sucha handsome cutie! ^^

I'm heading out soon to meet up with V&N again. It brings back good memories, outings like these. Some things may change, but yet again, feelings/bonds like these never waver. ♥

xx

Would you?

One year one month one day later, 10/10/10, will you still love me?
I hope so, cuz i dont think i'ld ever stop loving you.. ♥

CXJ x Infinity.

Presentation..

My group members!
Kahei, Me, Michelle and Fangqi.







"Omg Michelle, why you so tan?" "Is not i tan, is because im standing beside Carissa, that's why.." Sigh, they keep saying i'm as fair as MJ. )):
Gladys! My cutesy. Lol.

Play spot the difference. ^^


Yes, i jumped in heels.


OMG @ Kahei, he can jump really high.



Group photo!


Huge ass group photo! ((:

Overall, the presentation was a success! Phew. Some of my classmates said i talked a tad too fast, but my lecturer didnt comment on me about that so i guess it was... okay? Hope so. I really hate presentations sometimes. But glad im over and done with it. Still have two projects left. Three to be exact, if im including the one in MDIS anyways. Yea, MDIS cuz i failed a module there that's why i'm still stuck there remoduling. Gah. But it will all be over soon! 3 more weeks! Woohoooooo. I can kiss MDIS goodbye, officially. ^^

Am really gonna miss my SIM classmates. Too bad i wont be staying in SIM for my second dip. Will be heading to Kaplan next year. Arghs, long story. But long story short, was planning to take a degree in SIM after the diploma i'm taking now, but the degree requires me to head over to Swiss for a year. Not planning on going. I'm only taking this dip now cuz it's required for my degree. But since i'm not even going for the degree, that's way i'll drop out of SIM and head over to Kaplan to get an advance dip + degree instead in merely 2 years time. Faster, no? Haha, complicating but everyone is being supportive, so yup.. future all planned out. Work hard people. ((:

xx

One in a million..

Y'know, i'm not the only walking contradiction..

(Phone call)
V says: Eh C, i tell you, we seriously have to cut down on cigarettes.
C says: (I just woke up) Oh.. yea.. okay...
V says: Really. Everyday we're smoking.. it's not good for health y'know?
C says: Okay... yea..
V says: Gimme a minute uh.
THEN this contradicting person said in the background, "Uncle, Viceroy Menthol Light please.." Wtf. Woke me up just to tell me bullshit. @:
V says: Yea hello?
C says: WTF! $#^%&%*^*(&)&

Then, my vulgar word vomit came out. Lol. Okay, though she tell me crap, i still miss her la. We're going shopping. Saw this pair of shoes and i described them to her and she couldnt picture it in her mind. I dont blame her. It takes an artistic person to do so anyways. So.. being sucha nice and kind bestfriend, i drew her the shoe feeling rather.. accomplished. And the very first thing she said was... "what the fuck is that?!"

Great. Tell me, this type of bestfriend, where to find? Truly one in a million..
Lol.

--

*Edited by her one in a million bestfriend, VHO.*
Hi there! I just wanna express my love fo CLAM.
I swear when she gets married, she would have to follow my surname no matter what.

So anyways. She was telling me...




I was being so patient (as usual).. Trying my ultimate best to picture that shoe out..
And this was what I received.



LOL! Thats my very adorable beloved girlfriend.
Very artistic indeed!!!!!

CLAM, I knew that was the shoe, I was to shock to react properly.
Nevertheless. I love you plenty till infinity..

That I would chase away the dark clouds when you're unhappy.
That I would cook instants and not burn your thumb fo you.
That I would pick peas and parsley out of your food.
That I would shelter you with that umbrella during rainy days.
That I would buy you cigarettes when you're upset. (LOL)

*now go grab that tissue and stop tearing after reading my heartfelt words.*


Love you manymany
Fuck you deepdeep

-vho.