Reliant?

Hi,

My eyes are killing me right now. Results of having contact lens on for almost 48hours. Ha. I'm kinda tired, but can't get to bed. Too many things on my mind. Maybe it's just me. Had one of those father-to-daughter talks just now. As always, i'm/i was the one making things difficult. I know he's trying his best to be there for me since he pretty much missed a couple of episodes in my life. I know he's making up for it, but sometimes it's just.. weird. Better than before, but yet still a little weird.

Dont get me wrong, i love my dad to the max. But, it's just me. I'm very bad in showing emotions sometimes. Even saying "i love you" or "happy father's day" is just that hard. Had brunch at Merchant Court Hotel with the family. Well, part of it anyways. Heard a family singing "Happy Birthday" to this adorable little boy. Me there, smiling as i see such a joyous scene when my eyes met with my dad's. Guilt, i read. But arghs, i know he's trying. Every event brought us here now, closer. Closer than before at least. So i'm thankful.

"You've no idea how i felt when i saw my own daughter got hurt.. I would always want to protect you.." "No matter what you do, even if you make the biggest mistake of your life, i'll always be here for you.." Sigh. Now i feel bad. I guess sometimes i know he want to be there, but i pushed him away. Hmm familiar. Just like... nevermind.

Am i making any sense to you? Prolly not i guess. Oh well.

-

“ You asked me,
whose life was more important,
yours or mine.
I answered “mine”.
You walked away angry,
not knowing that you are my life. ”
- I love you bb.

Im Yours

You touched these tired eyes of mine
And map my face out line by line
And somehow growing old feels fine
I listen close for I'm not smart
You wrap your thoughts in works of art
And they're hanging on the walls of my heart

You healed these scars over time
Embraced my soul
You loved my mind
You're the only angel in my life
And at times when im weak and you saw me cry,
You said I'm still a soldier in your eyes

And though my edges may be rough
I never feel I'm quite enough
It may not seem like very much
But I'm yours
I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
And though I may not look like much
I'm yours

Always yours.

Burned Thumb ):

When we were invading Ngee Ann Poly. Haha.

I have a burned thumb now. Getting a little frustrated with it cuz smsing, etcetera are getting on my nerves. BB came over last night to catch Manchester United match (win, like duh), Arsenal (lucky shot, pfft) and Roger Federer's! So yea, about the burned thumb. Was cooking for BB (sucha nice girlfriend.. tsk..), but i added too much water so there's alot of soup. But i didnt know so when i poured it into another bowl, it filled to the brim so my thumb was like in the soup cuz i was supporting the bowl.. and then.. GG. My thumb was in just boiled soup. Niceeeeee.

Anyhoo, me + V are inseparable man. Haha. We go through everything together.

Okay, you gotta admit i was pretty good?

I was talking to V just now.
C: "V, i need to ask you for a favour.."
V: "SIMI LAN?"

I didnt okay? Im super duper nice!

Anyway, school tomorrow and im making good progress! I have been taking bus + MRT and then cab to school instead of just taking cab straight from my place. Okay, im still taking cab from the mrt station only cuz the bus stop to school is freaking far and the weather is always a killer. And, i dont want to be late either. So yea, good job Carissa. ^^

Me and BB have alot of things planned out for us to do and i really cant wait! Kinda sad i meet him at most twice or thrice a week, but still psyched on every outing. ((: Miss you bb.

P/S: Remember not to skip MDIS lessons anymore.
P/P/S: Study for Accounting CA1, soon. Gah, i hate accounting. /:

MANCHESTER UNITED FTW ARSENAL FTL!

C says: 6pm @ Orchard ok!
JT says: See your performance first. Pledge your loyalty to Arsenal, then i will go out with you.
C says: NEVERRRRRRR! Manchester United FTW!
JT says: Ok loh.. you stay at home tonight..
C says: *poke poke* )):
- no reply at all -
C says: Okay loh.. sigh.. i go do my stuff.. byebye..
- C's status is now Away -
JT says: LOL! Why baby? Playing with you la..
C's AutoMessage: not here cuz my bf refuse to reply me cuz i dont want to be an arsenal fan. sigh. my life is just that sad...
JT: OI! Hahahahah.

Am going to meet BB later! He's ignoring me for sleep now. Haha! We're going to the arcade and to play lan!! Haha!!!! I know right?

C says: Im going to thrash you!!
JT says: Of course you will win me. Ahlian always go arcade one what..

Such an insult!! @:
Im going to throw bricks at him. Such happiness.. HAHA! ^^
And oh yes.. Arsenal is going to lose in their match tonight, and Manchester United is soooo going to win Wigan.

MANCHESTER UNITED FTW!!

First monthversary - 180809 <3

180809 - first anniversary. Talked to BB for hours then we started counting down together. Was kinda funny since his clock was faster than mine. Haha! Then he told me to check my calender for our special day (!!) and i found a note! ((:

I have a very cunning boyfriend! 4 surprises in a day for our one monthversary!

1)He told me he couldnt book out from camp so we couldnt celebrate our one monthversary together, but asked me to collect some stuff from his friend for him in my school. Turned around and he was there!! Make me so disappointed over nothing. Pfft. But damn funny, he was sleeping in the car for 3hours waiting for me to end school. Drive to my school 3hours earlier cuz he scared he late. Lol! Damn cute.

2) He said he wanted to go to the Flyer area to chill. And when we were walking pass the entrance of the flyer, he took out tickets to the flyer!!!! I was like.. "wtf?! ohmygosh!!" But i swear, he is the sweetest boyfriend ever. Cuz he remembered i told him that some people always say want to bring me there.. y'know.. words to impress? But then he really did it! Super duper happy my first experience was with him. ^^

3) When we were at the top in the flyer, he told me to close my eyes and no matter what i couldnt open it. He put on something on my wrist and when i saw it i was like... "fuck!" Seriously, i feel i dont deserve all these from him at all. But thinking back about the day and all that he went through just to make me happy.. makes me wanna tear again.. ((':

cuz JC (jeremy&carissa)! Haha.

4) When i was about to alight from the car, he told me he dropped something under the sit and asked me to pick it up. In the end, it was a box nicely wrapped up for me! It was a very cute photoframe WHICH I CHOSE LONG TIME AGO THINKING THAT IT WAS FOR HIS MOTHER!!! @: Lol! He told me i couldnt blog about the picture.. Haha! Super adorable picture of him!! Shall use it to blackmail him next time. d:
Together with the box was a letter! All along, BB wasnt the sort of guy who would write letters. I mean, i knew from the start that he wasnt those type of guys who wrote letters. But.. he did cuz he knew i like letters and he wrote a super duper long one!!

I've never read a letter and felt so fucking touched till i cried. Not once in my life! No one has ever moved me the way he does. ((:

When BB came to my school and all, until now everyone keeps telling me how fortunate i am, etcetera. And i really feel that i am. Im the luckiest girl alive to be able to call him mine! I know some people will be like.. "1 month only.." but for me and bb, it's a big deal cuz it's our first one monthversary and cuz his relationships never ever pass a month before! He was those.. not commited, easily bored or sick and tired kind. The kind of guy all girls should be aware and stay away from. Lol! Maybe thats why our friends say our relationship was shocking! Like a clubber/player with a girl who is very relationship-based. But now.. everyone is like amazed by his 180° transformation. Lol.

But regardless, i know that i love him super duper ultra fucking much. It's a day i'll never forget. Thanks for always making so happy bb. I love you. ♥ And plz do not wind down the window of the car to shout "i love Carissa Lam" and have everyone staring again in the middle of the night again! Lol. Sucha bliss to have you my love. ^^

Not long ago, i wanted to give up hope.
But then you came along, and give me something worth holding on to.
Before i met you, i use to dream you up and make you up in my mind.
But now everything is coming true.
And all i want is you, JT.

First sleep over!

Im like sitting in complete darkness right now in my room with only with the light from my laptop. All thanks to the boyfriend who is soundly asleep right now, occupying 3/4s of my bed! Shall push him off later.. haha! But he may just stay asleep on the floor since we were on the phone till like 5am and he had to wake up at around 5.30am for camp. Okay okay.. now i feel bad.. /:

Morning class later! Zzzzz. Have to wake baby up for camp as well. Let's see who will be the one who cant wake up. I shall set my alarm earlier.. y'know.. just in case. Been sleeping at 4am odd for a couple of days now.. no idea why either. Which pretty much explains why i always have to rush and cab down to school. Arghs, need to sleep earlier!! )):

Speaking of school, i have like 3 assignments due next week that hasnt been touched! But thank God i could just interview my dad instead of some random stranger. Seems like it's going to be.. fun i hope? Haha. Sunday shall be my "stay home and rush through last minute work" - day. Or maybe i shall start after school later while waiting for baby to come over after camp before going to supper with V and D. This week isnt so bad at all. ((:

Alrighty, i better TRY and get some sleep. I bet i'll be bugging baby to wake up to accompany me till i sleep. Heehee. Shall write soon. xx

Long weekend..

It's like.. in a blink of an eye and the long weekend is gone. Just like that. It's back to hitting the books for me again, along with my assignments and projects that what seem to be piling up! Shant continue to be a last minute person, also together with my "2 days before exams than study" - attitude. I need to start being productive! But alas, always easier said than done..

Though the long weekend is officially over, i really did enjoy spending more time with baby. With him being in NS, at most we meet up twice a week. Kinda depressing, but we got to do alot of stuffs this week. Like double dates, watching the NDP together, G.I Joe and also visiting the Zoo! I like smelling of him at the end of the day. Does that sound sick or what? Lol! We were suppose to head to Batam, but scratched that. We figured it would be too crowded anyways. Shall plan for another getaway some time during year end. & oh yes, my precious camera came back safely after a trip with my brother to Taiwan. My dad was like.. "you care more about your camera than you do about your brother.." Haha!

Saw this picture. Isnt it too adorable to be eaten?! Lol.

xx

From The Heart..

I finally get to catch up with N! It has been nearly a month now that the three of us went out together, my PIC (partners in crime). Some things just never change. In a good way of course! Still equally close, still damn crap, always high and hyped up, and of course, always there for one another. Though we dont meet up as much as we use to, me with school, V with work and N in NS, we're still as tight! ♥

HK Cafe - Being nuisances in 7-eleven - Chilling and crapping till early morning - Desserts

Lol. He looked like he just won a pageant or something. Haha.

World peace!

Huge-ass ice-cream for you?

I love the long weekends. Really helped me clear my mind about certain stuffs, which was really what i needed. Sadly, the long weekend is almost over. Kinda dread having to think about the amount of workload i have to be done. Gah.. But oh well, shall save those worries up for next time. Right now, im going to enjoy the long weekend till it lasts. First time i was able to meet baby 3 times a week (double date with V&D - Saturday, Zoo + NDP - Sunday, G.I Joe - Monday)! We usually meet only once or twice a week. Kinda little, but always enjoyable and fun! ((: Meeting him later again for G.I Joe! Shall leave the booking of tickets to him since the other time we were suppose to watch The Hangover (super awesome!) at Vivo but ended up booking at Great World City instead. Lol! Second time this has happen. I wonder if im really that blur.. /:

Alrighty, time to hit the sheets. My eyes are bailing out on me as i type. Xoxo.

Babe, know that i'll always be there for you physically and emotionally be it whatever the reason is. From problems to Chanel bags to lamb chops or your weird cravings, i'll always be there for you. Till today, im still superbly thankful for having you in my life. And there wont be a day that i wont be thankful. You've seen me in my best and worst moments. When i was happy and all, you were happy for me, sharing my joy. When i was upset or down, you never fail to assure me, or even cry with me. Through it all, you've always been there for me. You've seen the best of me no matter what and you consistantly had faith in me even when i felt like shit sometimes. Dont ever apologize or what when need me to be there for you because without a doubt, i'll be there. You're one of the bestest friend anyone can have and i love you!! (': I'll be your shoulder to cry on. For yesterday, for the next and whenever you need me.

With much love and always here for you,

- C

123456789

JT: "Eh baby later when the time is 12:34:56, when formed with today's date, 7/8/9, will become 123456789. Once in a life time only!"
C: "Haha yea i know.. one of my friend told me already."
JT: "Wah.. I share with you then you never share anything with me? Sad you know.."
C: "Cuz yesterday SOMEONE sleep then never reply his gf what.. Haha, ok la ok la next time share with you."
JT: "Dont want to share already.. sigh.."

LOL!

Damn cute la he. So psyched to share this information with me but i already knew.
Hahahahahhahahaah! d:

Faith, Trust, Believe..

"Of course you’re gonna get your heart broken. And it isn’t just gonna happen once, but a lot. That’s just part of growing up, and it makes you stronger. Then you can handle it better the next time. You may not get through it yourself, but your friends will help you through it. And you’ll be a stronger person because of it. Then, one day, someone will come along, and it’ll all pay off, and no one will ever break your heart again."

Okay, i wont say the relationship will be perfect, smooth, or like a fairytale etcetera cuz.. i dont believe in that crap frankly. (Yes, i think it's bullshit. I mean like, come on?) Every relationship is like a rollar coaster ride with tons of ups and downs. It's going through those moments together that makes it all worth while. But, i do know that everything did turn out great for me. My belief still stands that "everything happens for a reason". Like i said, things turned out great for me cuz i met Jeremy. I feel that im very fortunate to have him in my life, someone whom i know i can rely on. Even if he makes me look like a retard laughing to myself in buses with the smses he sends, and even if he ALWAYS bullies me. Haha. But nevertheless, i still love him and i believe in him, in us and the relationship. ♥
(Touched right? This type of girlfriend where to find.. Lol)

Counting down the hours/days till i see you again! ((: And no such thing as "I fetch you from your lessons to send you home. Outing what!", fetching me back home from lessons is not counted as a date or an outing! Hmph. You shall plan a nice date as punishment for sleeping when smsing me AGAIN! Grrr. @: Ok la ok la, still love you. ^^

xx

Just Stay.

The week has been pretty hectic for me lately. Im really looking forward to tomorrow and the long weekends. I feel the need for a getaway. Too many things on my mind that i wish to release. Always easier said than done, sadly.. But one thing's for sure, i cant run away from problems. Sooner or later, i'll have to suck it up and just embrace them. Something of which im not much of a fan of. Hmm..

I dont know why it's taking me sucha long time to blog about this post. I find myself staring at the screen with many thoughts running through my head but nothing to type. Okay, maybe not nothing. But i dont know where to start, how to start. But then again, some things are better left unsaid? I dont know.. but what i do know is the people who i can always confide to no matter what. I guess it's just one of those "fuck dammit, i feel like shit"- days. Gah.

Im starting to feel like a very contradicting person. I can always give people advices and feel accomplished when things get better for them, etcetera. But i find it hard to use my own advices and imply them on myself. I remember what i told J, "Fuck what others say cuz in the end, it's just the both of you. As long as both of you love each other, that's all that matters.." But now when im in that position, that similar spot.. man it feels like shit. But nevertheless, thanks J. I know you have a lot of things you've to take care of but yet you're still here for me. I know you feel.. upset/angry/shitty for me about the whole situation, but.. look on the "bright" side. We shall feel like shit together. ((:

Speaking of together, im meeting VNZ tomorrow after so long! I really miss them. We've all been so busy with our lives and our schedules always clash. /: I havent seen N for almost a month! Z even longer! But the last thing i want to do is to worry them. I gotta just push all the negative shit to the back of my head and hopefully they wont resurface for awhile.. Am also finally meeting baby on Saturday! I just really want to treasure every moment i have with him. Meeting him also comes in handy because i always feel happy when im with him. ((: Missing him has been a little too much for me to handle lately. But still, i cant wait to meet him!

So it turns out that i do know what to type afterall. Ha. This has got to be the longest of entries that i took so long to type. Lol. xx

As long as i have you right here by me.

Sometimes..

Sometimes.. i wish you were here..
Sometimes.. i miss the way i lie right beside you, cuddled up to you..
Sometimes.. i miss how you play with my nose to make me sleep..
Sometimes.. i miss just sitting right beside you..
Sometimes.. i wish i could always reach you 24/7..
Sometimes.. i miss the way you smell.. my addiction..
Sometimes.. i wish i could just hold you and just stop time right there as it is..

Sometimes.. missing you gets a little too hard to handle..
And sometimes.. these "sometimes" that i mention.. happens all the time..

Even if you cannot hear my voice, i 'll be right beside you dear.
You left a mark, and i wear it proudly on my chest.. right in my heart.
♥

xx

Sim people + Baby!

Dammit. Tomorrow i have lessons for the whole freaking day! 930am-1230pm, 2pm-5pm. As if 3hours aint long enough already. Geez. But yea, who am i to complain? Poly students have been studying for the whole day all year round! Seriously, i dont know how they do it. I guess im very use to the whole 3-hours(or less)-in-school timing. Hmm..

Im very thankful that my classmates are such nice people. Y'know, since sometimes i can be a very.. anti-social person. Thats why V and J made sure i wasnt giving my usual what-the-fuck-are-you-looking-at face by texting me throughout during my first day. Especially J. He kept smsing me retarded stuffs to make me laugh and i looked like im laughing to myself like some retard. Hope no one saw though. Reputation ruined! But, im pretty surprised that we can all get along pretty great for people whom barely know each other for a month. ((:

Me and Michelle!

The very first friend i made in class. Haha!

I'm just that hardworking. Haha!

Unlike this two..

Competing each other in some psp game. Tsk tsk!

Michelle drew this. The whole clique! ^^

Cant help but to LOL everytime i look at the drawing of Fang Qi cuz she has braces. Haha!

Anyhoo, im stuck home on a Sunday. Great... Im still thinking whether i should head out, or not. Feel like catching The Hangover. Heard pretty good reviews about it but dont know if the boyfriend want to catch it with me or not. Must have a schedule/appointment with him since he's so busy! Still tell me will only meet me if my "performance" is good. According to him, my "result" is now 3/10. Lol. He keeps complaining that im too quiet or i stare blankly into space too much. Keep praising himself, saying 90% of the time is him talking/initiating. Then he decided to give me "discount", say "ok lah, 89%" - which is so not true! He's more of the "cannot sit still and enjoy the peace and serenity" - sort. MUST fidget and talk. He cannot keep quiet for 5 minutes. LOL. And he calls me weird. Hmph.

Have you ever met someone who can FALL ASLEEP while msn-ing half way?! Damn funny, he can just wait for my reply and fall asleep!! Sigh. Im starting to think whether what he say about me being too boring for him is true, since he can fall asleep on me for FOUR TIMES. Sighhhhhhhh. (Guilty yet baby? Heehee)

Ok lah, i give him credit. Since he always sleep so late cuz he was busy talking on the phone with me, then not enough sleep, then wake up early to book out to meet me. Ok lah, give you discount also. Haha! ^^

C: Sigh. Stay home on a Sunday so boring.

JT: Why? Are you hinting me to go out with you? (;

C: LOL. Go out with you still must have appointment, still must see performace. So troublesome. Haha!

JT: You no need. Express service. Anytime you want, can slot you in!

Suddenly so good.. abit worried.

HAHA! d: